


My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun

by jellyb34n



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Background Relationships, Canon Compliant, Character Study, F/M, Family, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Heartache, M/M, Politics, Reference to past violence, The Force, Time Skips, War, happiness, joy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-10 09:49:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12909429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellyb34n/pseuds/jellyb34n
Summary: Leia clapped her mittened hands together, enjoying the dull smack of the leather. Behind her, she heard her mother playfully cajoling her father up the hill. Bail Organa was not one for snow. Breha and Leia, however…Leia breathed deep. She always loved the crisp cold of the air stirring gently over fresh snow. It rushed clean into her lungs, enlivening her, clearing her mind and reinvigorating parts of her brain that had gone dormant after her last batch of exams.Results tomorrow. Her first official Senate meeting at her father’s side predicated on her success in them. But more important than that, Mon Mothma had promised to give her a tour of the Rebel base,personally, and also to tutor her -personally! - in tactics. So long as Leia did well.Leia wasn't worried. She looked up at the white, unmarred expanse and knew nothing would stop her.Fourteen. She knew she would save the galaxy.A study of Leia from her first act of accidental espionage through until the events ofThe Force Awakens: war, joy, and relationships across decades and parsecs.





	My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun

**Author's Note:**

> Title from [My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/52737/my-life-had-stood-a-loaded-gun-764) by Emily Dickinson. A poem which feels pretty fitting for Leia overall, and is definitely worth a read if you're unfamiliar.
> 
> Many, many thanks to [Anjali_Organna](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Anjali_Organna) for betaing and encouraging this fic throughout multiple iterations across many months. This would have been a different and lesser beast without you. And thank you to [purplefringe](http://archiveofourown.org/users/purplefringe) and [fly_to_dawn](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fly_to_dawn) for many months of cheerleading, brainstorming, listening to my writing woes, and spot editing. Any remaining mistakes, inconsistencies or nonsenses are all mine.
> 
> In terms of canon: I've cleaved to the movies faithfully, and then have made (sometimes liberal) use of the supplemental media I've watched or read, which is by no means exhaustive.

Leia frowned up at her father, fists tight at her sides and her eyes prickling with hurt. She was five years old and she didn't understand. She knew there were bad people in the galaxy: she wasn't _stupid_. She understood the things her parents said about the Senate and war and… And death. 

“What did Senator Brus say, dear heart?” Her father seemed too calm, as though he thought this slight could be allowed to stand.

Leia’s jaw tightened. She huffed and sucked in a deep, sharp breath. “Senator Brus said ‘Never underestimate an Organa,’” Leia repeated, voice small and wavering. “Then Senator Frag said, ‘She isn't a true Organa.’”

Something flashed in her father’s eyes. Leia wouldn’t really say he was _mad_ : it was something else. Leia thought of one time, when she was littler, her mother had said the word ‘outrage’. She had been talking about the Empire and something called a massacre and the planet of Mustafar. Leia remembered her mother’s voice: Low. Tight. It made the hair on Leia’s neck stand up. She remembered clinging to her mother’s legs, frightened. Her mother stroked her head and called her ‘dear one.’ She kept talking to her father. Leia wasn't exactly sure what _outrage_ meant but the look in her father’s eyes now reminded Leia of her mother then. Her skin pebbled in goosebumps. 

Leia set her chin like she’d seen Auntie Mon do. She squared her shoulders. She wanted to show her father that she could be brave when things were an outrage. “So after that I pretended to run away crying,” she continued, “but hid in the curtains and I heard what they said.”

Her father gave a startled chuckle. Something seemed to ease in the room and Leia found she could breathe again. “Ah, my dear heart,” her father said again. “How lucky we are to have you.” Then he beckoned to her and she rounded his desk and clambered onto his lap. He started to unpin her hair and combed his fingers through the three braids until they loosened down her back. She loved it when her parents did that. It felt so nice. “Tell me, Leia,” her father finally said quietly, still combing gently. “Do you feel sad about what the Senator said?”

Leia thought a moment, chewing her lip. Then she shook her head. “No.”

“It would be okay if you did,” her father said softly. He had stopped combing her hair and was now braiding it again. One long, loose plait.

“I don’t,” Leia said. “I _did_ , when he said it. But not now.”

Her father was silent behind her, and then he reached into his top desk drawer, finding a short cord. He bound the new braid with a neat bow and brushed it carefully over her shoulder. “Good,” he said. And then he wrapped her up in a big hug, and Leia nestled back against his chest. Safe. Warm. “Because your mother and I love you more than anything, Leia.”

“I know, papa,” Leia said. They sat like that for a while, until Leia started to get bored of the quiet. So she squirmed more tightly into her father’s hold and said, “Can I tell you what they said?”

Her father clucked, and she felt his nod as his chin brushed the side of her head. “Spare no detail, little one.”

Leia told him. 

*

R2-D2 let out a binary trill - followed almost immediately by a small clay disc ejecting from his dome.

Leia was with R2 in the bounds of the Gardens of Alderaan, a royal home situated in one of the southern provinces of the planet. Her parents were in the area for local obligations: they were to open a new museum, two new parks, arbitrate five local disputes and sit on an advisory committee with plans for food relief. The Empire had requisitioned more than sixty percent of the year’s crop and people were struggling to get by; contingencies were needed urgently. 

Which left eleven-year-old Leia alone in the grounds with little to do, and a mischievous droid for company. Aunt Nena had recently taught her the basics of blaster shooting, so Leia convinced R2 to join her outside. It took little persuading, and thankfully, the royal security now knew better than to challenge Leia: the head of the guard, Delash, spent fifteen minutes discussing with her where he intended to deploy the guard before they left the interior. He even shared a series of diagrams on his data pad, much to Leia’s everlasting delight. He had done this since her ninth birthday, when she had attempted to order six guards to abandon their posts, as she believed stronger positions were elsewhere. The guards had been intent to ignore her, but at the indulgent smiles of her parents, Delash had kneeled before her, and explained the reasoning for their positions, and why, ultimately, these positions were superior to her order of ‘in the trees.’

Then and as now, she only understood about half of what Delash told her. But Leia listened intently and remembered as much as she could. She was getting better at predicting his plans, and he had even taken to asking her advice. She recognised this was a false ploy - he asked the questions in such a way that she couldn’t really answer wrongly. But she liked it anyway.

Leia took aim at the clay disc, following the disc’s trajectory along her sights. She braced herself for the kickback. Checked her aim again, and fired.

She missed by an embarrassingly large margin. Her eyes slid to the nearest guard, who was politely investigating the clouds in the sky. R2 warbled softly. Leia whirled on him.

“Quit telegraphing!” she shouted, as though _that_ was the problem with her aim. “I _said_ to stop that.”

He danced on his wheels, dome swivelling. Then, without warning, he shot another disc sky high.

“Hey!”

He was cackling in binary, a sound which only redoubled with Leia’s glare. After a moment, Leia’s shoulders dropped and she rolled her eyes with a slight grin. “Okay, I deserved that.”

R2 trilled his affirmative and Leia sniffed. “Whenever you’re ready then.”

Waiting so long that Leia began to wonder whether he had actually heard her, R2 finally sent another disc flying. Leia aimed, fired, and missed. 

Before she caught her breath, R2 fired off another - followed swiftly by a second, then a third.

Leia planted her feet, and squared her shoulders.

She hit three before the sun went down. 

*

Leia clapped her mittened hands together, enjoying the dull smack of the leather. Behind her, she heard her mother playfully cajoling her father up the hill. Bail Organa was not one for snow. Breha and Leia, however…

Leia breathed deep. She always loved the crisp cold of the air stirring gently over fresh snow. It rushed clean into her lungs, enlivening her, clearing her mind and reinvigorating parts of her brain that had gone dormant after her last batch of exams.

Results tomorrow. Her first official Senate meeting at her father’s side predicated on her success in them. But more important than that, Mon Mothma had promised to give her a tour of the Rebel base, _personally_ , and also to tutor her - _personally_! - in tactics. So long as Leia did well.

Leia wasn't worried. She looked up at the white, unmarred expanse and knew nothing would stop her.

Fourteen. She knew she would save the galaxy.

A stiff breeze flew down the mountainside, raising a powdery flurry to gust into her face, tug at the braids her mother had done for her that morning and let fly the ends of the scarf her father had given her last month. Leia giggled. She felt loved.

“Quit your laughing!” her father called good-naturedly. Leia wasn't sure if it was to her or her mother, who was now in her own fits of giggles at her husband’s side as he struggled with false grumpiness in the snow. But if it wasn't directed to Leia yet, it would be in a moment.

Leia bent at the waist, dug her hands deep in the snow and came up with a pile that she quickly shaped into a ball. 

“Only with your surrender, Organa!” she shouted back. Her run back down the hill to her parents was awkward and slow, her feet sinking deep with each footfall. Somehow Bail still failed to fend off the attack, black hair turned white with snow, the brown of his coat lost as Breha joined her daughter’s snowball assault on her husband.

At the base of the hill, guards smiled slightly, while scanning with eyes, droids, and radar technology for any threat to Alderaan’s beloved royal family.

*

Leia stretched languidly, lying back on her parents’ bed as she waited for her mother to get out of the bathroom. She was to go on her first solo mission tomorrow, and her mother had wanted to talk with her.

No doubt to impart some very important wisdom – Leia did not think that flippantly. But truth to tell, it was a fairly straightforward mission, even if it was vital. And she was kind of… well… She was excited. Sure, there was some pressure, carrying the plans was no galactic cruise – not unless the cruise was filled with traps at nearly every stop. But there was also no reason for anything to go astray. After all, it _was_ a diplomatic mission she was going on. It was simply that alongside all the diplomacy, she would also be participating in a bit of… top secret… light… smuggling.

Leia chuckled. Her mother emerged, the anxious expression on her face smoothing a little as she smiled indulgently at her daughter. “What are you giggling at?” Breha asked and Leia shrugged. “Just something silly.”

“Well if it’s just something silly…” her mother replied. Then she walked to join Leia on the bed. Leia waited while her mother composed her thoughts, trying not to let herself fidget too noticeably. She wasn’t a major fidgeter even at the worst of times, but her mother would notice. And Leia did not want her mother worrying that Leia was scared or nervous. It wasn’t true.

“Have I ever told you about my first mission?” Breha asked instead. And this gave Leia pause. Her mother’s first mission, from the whispers Leia had been able to pick up, had either been a disaster or the epitome of espionage perfection, depending on who you asked. Leia sat up, crossing her legs and peering at her mother closely. Her mother was not old, but the life of a politician and a secret rebel was not a low-stress one. Yet for all the strain may have brought many to their knees, the only evidence on her mother was a few streaks of grey hair and the lines bracketing her mouth. Leia thought she was the most beautiful woman in the galaxy. 

“No, Mama,” Leia said quietly.

“I thought not. It isn’t exactly something I think about often. Not anymore.” She took a deep breath. Slowly, as though dusting off her memories as she went, Breha outlined the mission. She had been tasked as distraction. She was to attend a summit on Lothal in the Outer Rim, she was to represent Alderaan’s somewhat contentious position on the subject - something to do with interest rates as dictated by the Empire - and she was not to budge until she received a signal.

“A signal for what, Mama?”

Breha smiled grimly. “That the assassination was successful.”

Leia swallowed. “Assassination?”

Breha shrugged, one shoulder rising and dropping gracefully. “We are at war, Leia. And in those early days… Well, these days there is as much sneaking as there is open warfare. In those days, the Empire was trying to win planets and systems over by demonstrating the peace of their reign. As you well know, battles and troops cost credits. The Empire don’t care about that anymore, of course. But in the early days, well. It was all much easier if you could get beings to sign themselves up for a dictatorship.”

Nodding, Leia squared her shoulders. “So, what happened?”

“The mission had been meticulously planned, of course. Down to the ceremonial dress I would wear to represent Alderaan.” Leia shifted uneasily. Her mission was also planned down to the final detail. She was the only rebel member in the crew going… Only she knew of the mission. But the crew had been chosen with utmost care by Delash and her father. Her mother had compiled Leia’s briefing notes, extensive details beyond anything Leia had ever studied or compiled herself before when on diplomatic missions - and Leia was thorough. But in case she was to be questioned… 

And, yes. For Leia, too, her attire for each day of the trip had been chosen. White was the main colour for her: to accentuate her youth, and contrast against her sharpness.

If her mother noticed her discomfort, she didn’t comment or change tack. Indeed, it almost seemed like she doubled down. “For six days, I successfully distracted them. The fourth day was the earliest the assassination could take place. It was a simple plan, deceptively so. We anticipated it would take two-to-four days for our operatives to gain entry to the Senate building as replacement staff. It would then take another day or so for them to locate the appropriate box – and another day to set the poison.”

“Poison?” Leia breathed. She frowned. “And in public?”

Breha gave her a wan look. “It was early days, Leia. We learned.” Breha’s lips creased, and then she brushed a hand down the front of her dress to smooth it. Leia knew her parents as well as she knew her own reflection. The gesture, demure as it may have appeared, was one of the signs when her mother was distressed. Hesitating only a moment, Leia reached over and laid her hand overtop her mother’s. The tightness around Breha’s mouth eased a little bit. “Indeed, you have picked up on our folly. A public display, we had thought smugly to ourselves. Something which will set the Empire on edge. Something which will say, _We can get you anywhere._ ”

Leia closed her eyes briefly. Breha soldiered on. “On the morning of the sixth day, the Emperor made an appearance. He told us there was a traitor among us, that an Alderaanian citizen had been found in the ranks of the cleaning staff with poison. I was told to explain this crime.”

“Mama…”

Breha tilted her head. “I remember my hands were sweaty and my knees… I could have collapsed. I was so grateful for the heavy ceremonial dress that had been chosen for that day. I raised my chin. I widened my eyes. I asked please to be shown who of my people might be so bold.” Breha swallowed. “One thing we did get right in those days… was torture resistance training. When my compatriot was brought forward, it was clear he had been through the wringer. Oh, there were no physical marks visible. But something in the eyes…

“In front of the gathered Senate, I asked why he had done this, why he had betrayed all that Alderaan stood for. Cooperation, peace, the sanctity of life… And as trained, my compatriot bellowed that he loved the Separatists. Alderaan was never a Separatist planet. It was code to say the rebel mission was still secure, the Empire could not confirm the link. That information conveyed, there was only one thing for me to do.” Breha paused here and Leia could feel her own eyes widen, her breath shallow as she waited. “Before the assembled, I told my brave compatriot that he was a disgrace. That he had brought shame to Alderaan. That… I banished him.”

Leia blinked slowly. This was not as bad as Leia had expected. She had thought perhaps Breha would have had to do much worse… But when Leia looked more closely at her mother, she looked haunted. A chill ran down her spine and she licked her lips.

“The Emperor requested I clarify. Did I give up Alderaan’s diplomatic right to a trial for this man, for Alderaan’s right to intercede on his behalf? I agreed that yes, that is what I said. That Alderaan was a peaceful planet, seeking only for a cessation in combat. I said, this man would serve out whatever sentence the Empire deemed fit, and then, by grace of the galaxy, go on to build a life in contrition elsewhere… I will never forget the look on the Emperor’s face.” A shiver seemed to pass over her, from head to toe. Breha fluttered her hands before setting them palm down across her knees. “His eyes were malicious on my view screen, but his expression was remorseful. He said, ‘Thank you, Queen Breha. I know how deeply Alderaan’s values run. This has no doubt been a painful betrayal for you.’ And I… I knew there was danger, but what could I do? I cast my eyes aside as though I suffered, and I agreed with him. That was when he called Lord Vader onto the platform.”

Gasping, Leia gripped her mother’s elbow. “Mama…”

Her mother closed her eyes. “It was a brutal, if swift, demonstration. Of course, the lightsaber left no blood, no entrails. Just the echoes of screams and the stench of burnt flesh. Maybe I imagined the latter, surely I was too far away…” For a moment, Breha stopped. A crease appeared on her forehead. Then she licked her lips, and opened her eyes. Leia swallowed as she continued, “The Emperor thanked Vader. Vader left. The Emperor turned to us all. That damned remorse again on his face. You must understand, Leia, that many of us were opposed to the Empire, but an equal number were in favour. But that act united us all in a shared terror of what Emperor Palpatine was capable of… There was absolute silence in the Senate Chamber. He then told us, ‘I apologise to all gathered. I would have preferred we never need make such a demonstration, and to one of our siblings from Alderaan… But I will not allow any of my precious Senate to live in fear from outside demagogues. My hope is that this will stop anyone planning unjust and horrific attacks. I will regret a repeat demonstration, but I will do so, if this message has not been received.’”

Breha paused and drew a deep breath. Leia shuffled across the bed and slipped her arms around her mother’s waist. She pressed her cheek into her mother’s shoulder, and breathed deeply. They sat in silence, Leia breathing her mother in, and Breha stroking a soothing pattern into Leia’s arm. After a time, Breha drew a slow, deep breath. She spoke quietly, “I don’t tell you this to scare you, Leia. I know you fear Vader. And I know how clever you are. I want you to be aware, though, that sometimes cleverness is not enough. Making a seemingly airtight plan, it’s not enough. Sometimes you only have luck. And when the luck fails, all that’s left is bravery.”

Leia licked her lips and raised her face. “And hope, Mama.”

Breha paused for a moment, then looked down at Leia. She couldn’t quite read the expression on her mother’s face: the look was complicated and heartbreaking in ways Leia couldn’t name. When her mother’s lips smoothed into a smile, Leia could only tighten her hold around her mother’s middle in response. Somehow she wasn’t soothed when Breha murmured quietly, “Yes, Leia. And hope.”

*

Leia stared at the ceiling of her room.

“Display time,” she enunciated clearly, and a dim projection appeared to her right. She sighed. She’d been staring at the ceiling for the last two and a half hours. She would have memorised its surfaces, if its surface hadn’t been a smooth, blank white.

The temptation to scold herself bubbled up from deep in her belly. Tomorrow would be very busy. Their ship would arrive at Hoth. She would be in charge of overseeing the expansion and upgrade of the command room to Mon Mothma’s specifications while the rest of the regiment would work on fortifying the base. She needed to be well rested, her mind sharp and her body relaxed.

If Leia had been on Alderaan, Leia would have been pacing outside her parents’ bedroom. Her mother would sigh and her father would chuckle. “Just count nerfs, Leia,” he would say. Her mother would roll her eyes and pat the bed. “Or would you rather discuss what’s keeping you up?” she’d ask, shooting a look at her husband.

But that was the problem. It was _them_. She would never see either of them again. She would never be able to count nerfs, at least not native Alderaanian nerfs, not ever with her own eyes. She would never walk with her parents through the Gardens of Alderaan, or spy on any of her father’s meetings, or drink spiced hot chocolate with her mother while they discussed the finer points of Alderaan’s history. Never would she team up with her mother to make her father laugh. Or have Delash explain with great patience why some security stratagem or other would not work. Her aunt would not scold her for muddy boots, and her maidservant would not take a comb to her damp hair.

She would never walk with her family in the mountains ever again.

Leia’s shattered inhalation filled the still air of her room. 

She couldn’t stand it. Couldn’t stand being alone in her bed, with only silence for company. _Everything_ hurt. Her chest was a gaping pit of agony, gnawing as though a Sarlacc had made its home right there in her heart. 

Her eyes were tired and aching from fighting back tears. 

She was sick of it.

Her feet hit the floor and she tugged on a shawl, her hair flowing messily behind her. But who cared - only a skeleton crew worked on the lower decks at this hour. Mostly droids at that, few of which were programmed to understand the finer points of human sartorial choices. She stepped lightly so as not to draw any attention from the surrounding bedchambers and made her way to the mess.

A singular droid was waiting, plugged into the ship. Leia assumed it was communicating with the ship, but as soon as the doors slid shut behind her, a female voice chimed soothingly. “Good evening, Senator Organa. I am K4-632. What might I get for you?”

Leia walked to the droid, a class-three model who was humanoid in shape, and nodded. “Does this ship have the ingredients for Royal Alderaanian hot chocolate?”

“One moment please,” the droid replied. She tilted her head, a series of lights along her brow flashed in sequence. “We do, Senator. If you will please take a seat, I will prepare the Royal Alderaanian hot chocolate and bring it to you momentarily.”

“Thank you.” Leia walked across the room and sat beside a window. From here, the stars were distant, no planets or nebula visible to her. She was grateful. It let her imagine her pain as distant as each star. 

She let her eyes wander from distant star to even more distant star, trying to calculate how far they had come and how far they likely had left to go if they were due at Hoth the following midday. She was part way through calculating the distances in her head when a chill like intuition breezed down her spine. Without knowing why, Leia shifted her gaze to watch the door. Ridiculous instinct, she thought. No one else would come to the mess hall at this hour. The only beings up were working.

And yet, barely a minute after Leia had started watching the doors, they slid open. Luke stepped through. As though he already knew she was there, he met her gaze. Before either of them could say a word, K4-632, holding a steaming mug, paused to greet Luke. “Good evening, Lieutenant Skywalker. I am K4-632. I will finish serving Senator Organa, and then will serve you.”

“Don’t worry,” Luke said warmly, trailing behind K4 and slipping into a seat across from Leia. “I’ll have the same thing Leia’s having.”

“Of course, Lieutenant.” K4 moved away.

Leia eyed Luke suspiciously, but he met her look openly. Always open, always earnest. There was no guile or mischief in the smooth planes of Luke’s face. Leia narrowed her eyes. “You don’t even know what I’m having.”

Luke smiled. “I’m sure it’s great.”

“Were you spying on me?” Leia demanded.

“What?” Luke looked genuinely taken aback. “Why would I want to do that?”

“I don’t know! But you show up a few minutes after I get here. Suspicious, isn’t it?”

Licking his lips, Luke looked at her, measuring. Something shifted in his expression and suddenly he looked… beleaguered. Leia’s stomach clenched guiltily. Her scowl deepened: she didn’t want to add guilt on top of the grief already swirling inside her. Luke met her look, and had the decency to duck his head, chagrined. “I just…” Luke began, then shrugged. “I just had a feeling I should come here… I get them - the feelings - sometimes. These instincts.” He met her gaze, all bare hope and gentle pain and Leia almost reached across the table to take his hand. Almost. She crossed her arms over her chest instead. “Before he died, Obi-wan was teaching me about the Force.”

Leia knew. Han had made a point of teasing Luke about it mercilessly on their escape from the Death Star in an attempt to distract Luke from his grief. Luke had tried to be brave, but he was an unlocked data pad. His devastation leaked from his expression, it hung on his slouched shoulders and slow gait. It ebbed into the corners of any room he was in. Leia hadn’t really appreciated it, as it prodded her own hidden grief. Gratefully, she’d had enough to do in the aftermath of the Death Star’s destruction that allowed her to avoid Luke’s sorrow and bury her own. She had intel to make record of for the rebels, and plans to advise on and build. But now…

“Did you know him well?” she asked, and if her voice cracked, Luke didn’t comment on it.

He shook his head. “No, I only met him after I found that recording of you,” he said. “But… have you ever felt like you’ve known someone your whole life? It makes no sense, but just… in here,” he put a hand over his solar plexus, “When you meet them, it feels like -”

“A bit like home,” Leia said softly. Luke’s brows raised, but then he nodded. Leia knew. She had felt it even before Luke had taken off his helmet on the Death Star. She hadn’t recognised it then - the feeling had been so dissonant to her usual response when faced with a Storm Trooper. And then it had been buried beneath adrenaline, panic, and the fending off of grief. Hidden in rage. 

She had felt it before, a handful of times, when meeting people for the first time. There had been a Rebel agent in particular, Fulcrum, one of her father’s favourite operatives. When Leia had first met her, that sense of home was there. That may have been the first time she had felt that way with anyone other than her parents. “I know the feeling,” she added into the quiet. Then she drew a deep breath. “I would have liked to have met him. My father spoke very warmly of Obi-wan…”

Her eyes prickled suddenly and her throat burned fiercely. Her hands around the cup of hot chocolate tightened and suddenly Leia wanted nothing more than to crush the cup and dash its contents, send them spilling to the floor. Whatever dam against emotion that Leia had managed to maintain in her sleeplessness disintegrated in a heartbeat. Her loss seemed to fill her in a matter of moments and then to surge from her to fill the room in a flurry. Vaguely she noticed that Luke had gasped, his hands landing palms flat on the table as though he were caught up in the tumult of her feeling. Silly imaginings - she only wanted to feel less alone.

“Leia,” he whispered across from her, and he reached across the table, tugging her cup from her grasp and slipping his hand between hers. She grasped at him, her fingers biting into the back of his hand. The ache of her grief took on the force of a blizzard, ripping from her in savage sobs that lashed in and around her, dizzying and painful. Luke’s hand remained steady, and she held on tightly.

“An entire planet,” she gasped out, the tempest starting to calm. She had no idea how much time had passed. It was a new lesson: releasing pain created eternities. “He destroyed my home. An entire planet. Because… because he could? My parents -”

The sob caught in her throat. She fought hard against it, but the dam had been demolished. While she broke again, Luke didn’t say anything, but his other hand came to cover their linked fingers. His hand stroked gently over her wrist, soothing, steady. She cleaved to the sensation. Her grief ravaged, and maybe it was some trick of tears, but it all seemed to hurt a little bit less this time.

“Storm Troopers murdered my aunt and uncle,” Luke said quietly when Leia’s breathing started to steady. Dimly, Leia was aware that K4 returned at some point with a second mug, her programming prevented her from interrupting. “I didn’t really understand… It doesn’t matter.” He sucked in a deep breath. “Can I make a suggestion, Leia?”

Something in his tone set her automatically prickling slightly, but Leia couldn’t muster much care for her pride. She felt wrung out. She sniffed, and started to slowly straighten her spine before meeting his eyes. Then she nodded.

He licked his lips. “Be… gentle with yourself.”

She could pretend not to know what he meant, could pretend this was an insult, or none of his business. But in truth… In truth, she could already feel herself starting to shove her feelings aside. There was a voice in the back of her mind whispering, _Let the grief fester elsewhere; you don’t have time now_. However, Leia knew the reality was that moments like this were likely to be all the time she would ever get. The war was not going to stop after she completed her work on Hoth. The galaxy had never shown itself to be kind. So. Perhaps if she could remind herself to take the moments when they appeared… 

“I’ll try,” she whispered. And she decided she would. In those moments when she could breathe for herself, she would try to be gentle. Gentleness did not come easily for her, but maybe she could learn from watching Luke. She was an excellent self teacher after all.

She took a few more deep breaths and then pulled her hands free from his hold. Luke moved away reluctantly, and Leia let his concerned look wash over her inconsequentially. She pulled her mug back towards her and took a sip - still warm, somehow. Leia gestured to his mug, untouched. “You should drink before it gets cold.”

From the corner of her eyes, Leia saw him nod, and pick up his mug. After a sip, he grinned at her. “This is great.”

“Home recipe,” she said.

They stayed, sipping, in silence.

*

The escape from Bespin had been close. But finding herself alone in the Falcon’s cockpit, it was quiet now. Quiet at last. The streaks of blue in the depth of the light speed wormhole were, for the first time in Leia's life, soothing. She usually found the steady hum of light speed travel frustrating - its seeming endlessness playing off against an impatience that her mother had never quite been able to convince out of her. "Leia Organa," her mother would say, fingers smoothing across her temples, threading to comb through her long hair. "Eminently sensible, unless it comes to waiting. Or idiocy."

Leia smiled into the blue, belying the twist of her heart, the clench in her stomach.

It was not the time for mourning, Leia scolded herself, even as a small voice reminded her to be gentle. Though years had passed, her loss of Alderaan and her family remained as fresh a wound in these moments as if Leia was still standing staring through the Death Star's command deck windows, Tarkin and Vader looming beside her. And now, she might lose Han as well. She had very nearly lost Luke.

_Luke._

_Han._

Leia shook her head. There was still hope, she told herself. Han was alive. And Luke was still breathing, resting, in this very ship. Now was the time for recuperation and planning. Though what plans could contend with the most powerful crime lord in the galaxy, she couldn't think.

Before she could dive too deeply into new depths of melancholy, Lando walked into the cockpit. His step was different, Leia noted, turning to watch him. No longer that bubbling cocksure stride. Everything about him was more aching, angry and honest.

"I'm still not sure I trust you," Leia said, her tone sharp, as Lando dropped into the co-pilot’s chair beside her.

He took some time before responding, settling in and shifting his cape to fall neatly over the back of the chair. Finally he said, "I don't blame you." He took a moment more, looking into that infinite blue, and Leia wondered if Lando found it calming. If Han had. "I made the best deal I thought I could," Lando said, turning with resignation to meet Leia's eyes. "I never should have trusted Vader. But it was... I made a bad deal."

As if a recording clicked on at Lando’s words, Leia's father's words played clear in her mind. "Sometimes you'll make deals that go bad, Leia," Bail had said, solid behind his desk. Her father had always been solid... always calm and stalwart, even as Leia paced back and forth in a fury in front of him, ranting about the latest ridiculous and dangerous demand in the Senate. In that instance, a request only made possible because some other ridiculous, piece-of-nerf-shit Senator had made a deal five years previously which had set precedence. 

But Bail had persisted through her anger in his even, steady way. "You make bad deals, and sometimes that deal has the worst outcome." Leia had quietened then, stopped pacing, and looked at her father out of the corner of her eyes. She felt her shoulders tense and her stomach churn in fear, and wished she was stronger, braver, calmer, like her father. She was fifteen. "Sometimes people will suffer. People will die. Because of a deal you make. It is not just a possibility, Leia… It is an inevitability. Even the most well-considered, logical, ethically sound decision you make can still ultimately be one which goes wrong, which costs lives."

After a pause, she asked, “So what do you do, papa?” Hating that her voice still trembled.

Bail Organa's smile that evening would be forever lodged in Leia's memory. When the terror of Vader had faded, when her memories of the Rebellion were dusty, when hot chocolate in her parent's kitchen and long dinners discussing politics were like conversations half heard down a long passageway, her father's aching, brittle smile would hold strong in Leia's mind. "You remember, Leia. You never forget. That is your responsibility. You learn. And you make a better deal next time."

Now, in the cockpit, Leia swallowed. She refocused on Lando, and realised he had been watching the play of emotions across her face. Somehow even in her vulnerability she did not feel embarrassed. Instead, her lips turned and she could feel a resonating brittle ache play across her face. Brittle, but not broken. It woke and stirred her grief and settled heavy, but warm, in her belly. 

"You remember this bad deal, Lando," she said quietly, firmly. Her voice did not tremble now. "You never forget. That is your responsibility." Leia noted when something changed in Lando's eyes. A realisation perhaps, or a resignation. Maybe both. It didn’t matter. She finished, holding his gaze, "And you make a better deal next time."

Lando watched her, and then cleared his throat. "I knew Bail," he said lowly. Her throat tightened. "He was probably the best man I ever met." Lando reached across the space between their chairs and gripped her shoulder. A comrade, now, if not yet a friend. "I am sorry for Alderaan."

Lando withdrew his hand and turned forward. The blue of light speed played across his face, tracked their journey in his eyes. The silence stretched, heavy though not crushing. Leia felt like she could breathe deeply again and she faced forward as well. They both watched the flash and streak of light speed travel.

"Let's get Han back," Leia said into the quiet.

Lando nodded.

*

“I’m going to kill him, Lando,” Leia muttered. It was a rare moment when Jabba needed to lug his disgusting self to somewhere private to conduct business, and Leia was left alone. Or as alone as she could be, chained to a vaping throne in the middle of a dirtball planet’s dirtball bar.

“I’m going to kill him,” she said again. And she gritted her teeth, fingers digging into her palms as she squeezed the chain with all her strength. “And I’m going to like it.”

On the pretence of leering for the benefit of the scum in the bar, Lando crouched in front of her. He smoothed a hand across the back of hers, gently tugging each finger loose. “I don’t doubt it, Princess,” he murmured. At the old nickname, Leia focussed on Lando’s face, rather than the middle distance where her imaginings played out. “Leia the Hutt Slayer,” he said. Leia blinked. The look in his eyes eased some of her desperation, fortifying her resolve instead. Leia could see he understood her anger, but… she looked closer at him. It was more than understanding; this anger was shared. “It suits you just about as well as Princess did.”

For the first time since Leia had held Han - _at last_ \- two nights previous, she cracked a smile. "Lando Calrissian," Leia murmured. "Are you trying to charm me?"

"Absolutely," Lando responded immediately. "It will be a dark day when I stop."

For the span of a breath, it all felt manageable. Not perfect, but okay. The feeling did not last. A drunken Gran stumbled over to sneer at Lando and use all three of their eyes to eyeball Leia. To maintain the appearance of proprietary aggression, Lando reacted fiercely, scaring the nerfherder away. When Lando crouched in front of her again, Leia shook her head.

"Don't linger long, or people might suspect."

"These wastoids are too drunk, high, or stupid to suspect a Storm Trooper of working for the Empire," Lando dismissed disgustedly. "Don't worry about it."

Leia wanted to worry, felt she really should worry. But also it was the first time since she had been forced into this godforsaken outfit that no one was touching her or staring at her. It was a new and utterly discomfiting experience to be the centre of attention because of her body, rather than her politics. And while she could absolutely handle it until Luke arrived, it was a damned relief to have a break.

"If I ever wear something like this again," she began darkly -

"It will be by your choice and no one else's," Lando interrupted. At Leia's surprised look, Lando's expression turned obstinate. "You are Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan, Rebel leader, and soon-to-be Hutt Slayer," he said with finality. "You can do whatever you kriffing want."

Lando held Leia's gaze for a beat before his eyes slid in the direction of the bantha pit. "And even if you weren't," he continued, seeming distracted now. "Even if you were just... were just - anyone. Anyone decent. You should be able to do whatever you kriffing want."

For the past few days, and longer if she were being honest, Leia had been somewhat preoccupied with her present situation and worry over Han's imprisonment. She hadn't thought about how many injustices Lando had witnessed in the weeks he had been at Jabba’s palace, just having to stand back and let them happen. All for Han's sake. And to ruin Jabba, for once and for all.

Lando turned back and noticed Leia watching him. He cleared his throat and made as if to turn away again when he caught himself. Leia had watched this man grow in the time she had known him. Betrayed at the catalyst, she had watched him change from a ruthless, borderline callous business owner to an angry rebel fighter, then rebel leader. She had seen the moment when he understood that sometimes you had to bear witness to the terrible things around you. And then sometimes you had to choose to fight. Leia had seen these changes, and had been beside him, for so much of it.

And now... now Lando took a deep breath and stayed still. Leia tracked the muscles along his shoulders as he forced them to ease, if only fractionally. She held his gaze, refused to look away from the pain in his eyes.

"One slave women, who refused to dance because she was tired," he answered her unasked question and kept eye contact, steadily. "One indentured man who tripped and spilled a drink on Jabba's tail. I was sent to terrorise three families behind on debt payments. One of them with a newborn child and clearly desperate." He swallowed. "More, but..."

Leia reached out, put a hand to Lando's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Lando."

His smile came slowly, and when it smoothed across his lips, it was rueful. "I'm sorry, too, Leia."

Leia held Lando's gaze, then breathed out slowly. "Luke had better get here as we planned," she said instead, easing a finger between the metal of her collar and the bruised skin of her neck. "Or else I am going to blow everything by killing Jabba ahead of schedule."

Lando glanced around, eyes landing on Jabba’s horrible jester, curled in a corner and dozing. The smile that curled Lando’s mouth then was cruel and visceral and Leia felt it in her bones. She smiled, knowing her look matched his. “I’ll chuck Jabba’s jester into that bantha pit and laugh as loudly as he does every time Jabba throws someone else in.”

“I’ll laugh with you,” Leia agreed darkly. Then cocked her head, thinking. “You know, we could always just set fires around this hole.”

Lando shrugged expansively. "If the result's the same…” 

They both knew the result would be far from the same. But they also knew Luke would be on time, and all would go as they'd planned, many weeks ago. What wonders, Leia often thought, to have a compatriot with Jedi instincts when sitting down to make cold strategies.

But for a moment, in the stinking quiet of Jabba's palace late at night, when all there was to do was wait, they indulged in the imaginings of reckless decisions and violent, vengeful justice served.

*

As the Ewoks danced and celebrated around them, Leia moved to Lando's side.

"Nice work, General," she said, smiling wide.

He chuckled and raised his cup to her. "And you, Hutt-Slayer."

On impulse Leia slipped a hand around Lando's waist and he wrapped an arm across her back. They paused together, and watched the celebrations.

*

“ _… over the Separatists to the support of Jedi Master Anakin Skywalker. Locals believe their death tolls would have been significantly higher were it not for his intervention and eventual leadership of their fighters. His involvement put him in some trouble with the Jedi Council, led by Jedi Master Yoda and Jedi Master Windu, who were taking a precarious and controversial neutral line with Loyalist rebels on behalf of the Republic._

“ _Planetside, Jedi Master Kenobi and Jedi Tano, Master Skywalker’s Padawan, were also alongside Skywalker. Kenobi and Tano are felt to have also been invaluable in the fight, though Kenobi was reported as reluctant to join, and Tano only commanded a smaller regiment. Jedi Master Skywalker was the clear hero to the Kidra people, being seen as remarkable for his fierce belief in their right to freedom and the tenacious way he looked after the locals he led. He was also respected for his dedication to Kenobi and Tano, particularly when they were perceived to be in danger._

“ _One local reported -_ ”

Leia closed her eyes and scrubbed a hand down her face. She peered with one eye at the report once more, then grimaced and pinched the bridge of her nose before finally switching the tabletop reader off. She glanced at her chrono - it was late. She wondered that Han hadn't come to get her ages ago. 

But in answer there was the Force equivalent of a gentle knocking in her mind. Luke said quietly, “You won't find answers there.”

Leia sighed slowly. She turned in her chair to face Luke, who had positioned himself on a couch behind her. She vaguely recalled him joining her, oh, seven articles ago. He hadn't said anything though, and had let her get on with it. A data pad was glowing faintly on his lap.

“How do you know?”

He offered a crooked smile. “How many reports have you read?”

Leia quirked her lips. “Only a couple.”

“Liar,” Luke said, smile softening. He was right of course. She had to be getting into the dozens, if not hundreds, now. Articles from news sources, military reports, historical records. That wasn't counting recordings she had watched or listened to. Anything she could find with mention of Anakin Skywalker, or any stories that had even a whiff of his involvement. She hadn't read about Vader - Leia felt she had a good handle on that beast. But Anakin Skywalker… 

“How could he do it?” she asked. She noted the belligerence to the question. Frustration rumbling in her gut. And, she admitted to herself _only_ , fear was skittering across her skin. To hide this, she gestured in frustration at the reader. “He was a good man, Luke. He fought fiercely, he believed deeply, he loved savagely. It’s so clear in _everything_ I’ve found.”

Luke held her gaze and then shook his head slowly. Leia shook hers right back at him. She was adept at recognising patterns - she knew her generals and their tactics like she knew the back of her hand. She could guess which Imperial Admiral or, Jedi help them, High Admiral they were facing within the first minute of engagement, with an accuracy which astonished other commanders. This ability made her excellent at tactics, one of the best in the Rebel fleet. 

But in this moment, that ability to recognise patterns was not a gift. She felt it weigh upon her limbs, sit heavy in her stomach. A curse.

_Bravery, Leia._

She took a breath, and admitted quietly, “I recognise Anakin in myself.”

It wasn’t his similar tactical skills, though that was an element of it. Rather it was his tenacity. His anger. His recklessness and impulse. Even his arrogance. Leia knew these things because she lived with them every day. But there was something else…

“You're not Vader, Leia.”

“How could you know that?” 

By all accounts, she was more stable than Anakin ever was. She could counter her reckless impulses by way of long practice and she was better at serving her people for it. She was excellent at tactics, a skill only honed by watching her parents at work, and she believed her anger gave her strength in those times when a more peaceful person may balk at the scene before them. And this, combined with her tenacity? There were moments when Leia didn’t just think she could defeat the Empire: she _knew_ she could crush them.

And there’s the rub. That unknowable quality Leia feared in herself, the pattern she was finding the more she read about Anakin Skywalker. They shared it. A darkness. 

Most of the reports she read were glowing, except when they were exasperated by his going against orders. But the glow sometimes took on a reverence tinged with fear. As they described the lengths he would go, or some of the… inexplicable things he would accomplish. It was a word here, a hesitation there. Not that anyone could ever have predicted his becoming Vader, who ever could predict that? But perhaps a fear that without some outside force, he might… 

“Leia. Our father was doomed from the moment he was found.”

Leia blinked and met Luke’s gaze again. She had not yet got the hang of shielding her thoughts and wasn’t sure how much he had been able to glean. She picked aggressively at a stray thread on her trousers. “What do you mean?”

Luke leaned back and stared at the ceiling for a moment. “I imagine it kind of like you -”

“You should work on your reassuring abilities,” Leia muttered dryly.

Luke shot her a look. “I mean you were raised as a princess. With all the responsibility and privilege that comes with that. Sure, prestige and wealth as well. Cushy beds, I bet. But equally you're brought up with a burden. Bail and Breha were measured in raising you. From everything you've said about them, they were noble and ethical people. But Anakin… he was found by a near-mystical organisation and told he was their Chosen One. The one person in the whole galaxy who could bring balance to the Force.”

Leia stared at Luke blankly for a moment. “Surely the Jedi Order was not so misguided.”

The look Luke gave her was pained. “They'd been in power for thousands of years, Leia. Of course they were misguided. Any organisation which exists for so long will become complacent. Particularly in its own decisions.”

“They sound almost like a cult,” she said thoughtfully, distracted for a moment as a new piece of the political puzzle fell into place for her. She had often wondered how the galaxy could have gotten quite so out of sorts. If the primary peace-keepers had become too powerful, too blinded to their own shortcomings, then it made some sense. And -

“So then…” Leia hesitated. Not due to uncertainty: finally the piece that eluded her had fallen into place. It did not explain Anakin’s downfall - far from it - but it did make the surrounding circumstance that much more clear. So no, Leia did not hesitate because of uncertainty. But rather because she could already feel a tightly contained ache bleeding from Luke across the Force between them. “The balance Anakin was expected to bring…”

“May have been an assertion of the Dark Side of the Force, yes,” Luke said. “A turn in the weight of the scales. A way of giving the Dark Side its natural space, rather than a balance between the two.” He looked and sounded haunted, Leia thought. 

She breathed out heavily and sat down next to her brother, taking his hand. 

“All of this is too much for one person, Luke.” She squeezed his hand and leaned into his side. “It was too much for the Jedi to expect Anakin to save their failing order. It's too much for Obi-Wan to expect you to re-establish the Jedi alone. Too much for me to take responsibility for our father’s evil and rebuild the galaxy alone.”

For the first time since Leia had met her brother, his look turned obstinate. “We're not doing it alone,” he murmured.

“Aren't we? Who do you confide in?”

His eyes slid to her face before shifting forward again. “You.”

 _Barely_ , Leia thought. Although it was true of her as well. “And?”

Luke stayed silent. Leia waited.

“I see what you mean,” he finally said heavily. Leia stilled as she felt the rebellious play of emotion in Luke across the Force. His certainty that he _should_ do it alone warring against the bare logic that it simply wasn't possible. Finally, a wash of guilt as if he noticed her paying attention. Leia bit back a wry smile, and he nudged her shoulder with his own. “What do you say we do then?”

“We build our family.”

The sad smile that crossed Luke’s face was heartbreaking in its honesty. “I guess we both know more about choosing families than most.”

Leia watched him for a moment before replying. She had never felt adrift in a familial sense. The Organa household was overflowing with it, she could not remember a time when she did not know she was loved. But she knew Luke struggled. They had learned together of Anakin’s history with his half brother, Owen. Luke’s situation hadn't been… ideal. The Lars had done what they could; Leia was grateful to them, as was Luke. But their fear of Luke becoming Anakin, their distrust of Ben and the Jedi “religion”… It hadn't always been a warm household.

“Yes we do,” she said firmly. And as if on cue, the doors slid open and a bedraggled Han came in, yawning and scrubbing a hand down his face.

“What are you two doing?” He asked, affection and grumpiness mixing in equal measure. “You both should have been in bed -” he paused to look at his chrono, then scowled at them fiercely “- four hours ago.”

Leia’s hand tightened on Luke’s as he looked at Han with barely concealed wonder. Han’s scowl deepened at that, and then his brows shot up as Luke got to his feet and gave Han a tight hug.

“You're right,” Luke agreed, releasing Han. “Hours ago.”

“I'm always right,” Han responded automatically. He brushed a hand through his hair, making it all the more messy and causing a wash of affection to pass through Leia. “You okay, kid?”

Luke’s gaze slid to Leia. Then he clapped Han on the shoulder. “Yeah, buddy. Thanks.”

“Sure, kid,” Han replied uncertainly. Luke gave him a grin and nodded to Leia before leaving the room. Han looked at Leia questioningly. “What's gotten into him?”

“He's just realised you're family,” Leia said warmly, smiling and getting to her feet. At Han’s look of bafflement, she rose to her toes and kissed his cheek, lingering a moment to breathe him in, before taking his hand. “Back to bed?” 

“Yeah,” he said uncertainly, touching fingers to his cheek where she had kissed him and glancing back towards where Luke had disappeared. He turned forward again, brow wrinkled in continued confusion. Leia chuckled, raising her hand to rest against his cheek, thumb smoothing the wrinkles. Han gave her a crooked smile. “Yeah,” he said again, taking her hand. “You bet.”

*

“This has got to be the biggest con of all time,” Lando announced loudly, entering the suite Leia and Han shared on one of the diplomatic envoys of the New Republic, still in fledgling form.

“Whose con?” Han demanded, played-up outrage in every syllable.

Lando’s smile grew only larger, his eyes sparkling in a way Leia hadn’t seen before. “Leia’s, of course,” he said, as though it were the most obvious thing in the Republic. “There’s a long game here that I can’t figure out. But if it’s not a con, I don’t see why she’s keeping you around, particularly with that kid on the horizon.”

Leia laughed, and even Han couldn’t stop himself from joining in. “Congratulations, you pirate,” Lando added as the two men hugged, Lando landing heavy smacks on Han’s back. “Leia,” Lando said, releasing Han to size her up where she had hung back near the couch. She smiled warmly, a hand straying to stroke her protruding belly.

Lando made it to Leia in three long strides, gathering her in a big bear hug and making her laugh all over again. 

“Do you ever go anywhere without this cape?” she demanded, her arms getting tangled in it as they tried to move apart. “Surely it gets you into more scrapes than it saves you.”

“No one would recognise me,” Lando countered.

“They’d recognise the ego,” Han offered.

“It isn’t ego if it’s all true,” Lando insisted. “Every single rumour. Except the bad ones.”

“Particularly the bad ones,” Leia said, sitting down again on the couch.

“I’m hurt,” Lando said, not looking hurt at all and settling onto the seat next to Leia as Han moved to the door.

“Can’t argue with a Force user,” Han said, picking up a datapad on his way. “Or a pregnant woman, for that matter.”

Leia threw Han a look, and when he offered her the worst expression of innocence that she had ever seen, she used the Force to thwack him on the back of the head with the frond of a small potted tree just behind him.

Rubbing the spot dramatically, Han gave Lando a glance which clearly meant “What did I tell you?” Leia took the opportunity to use all fronds within reach to thwack whatever part of Han they could. Lando’s laughter filled the room as Han tried unsuccessfully to fend them off.

“Hey! All right, I’m going!” Han said, moving hastily away from any wayward vegetation. “I’ve got a ‘meeting’ with some hotshot military kid,” he added for Lando’s benefit. “Will you be around awhile?”

“I’m staying the night at least,” Lando said.

“Great,” Han said. Then glanced at Leia. He held a hand to the side of his mouth as if to hide what he was about to say from her view. “Want my advice? Don’t fall in love with a Force user!”

He bolted for the door before Leia could do anything, but she had given up on him in any case. Instead, she eyed Lando curiously as he busied himself with pouring a glass of water.

“You haven’t told him,” Leia said.

Lando glanced at her from over the rim of his glass as he took a long drink. His innocent look was far superior to Han’s, she noted wryly. “Told Han what?” Lando asked, raising both brows as though in bafflement.

Narrowing her eyes, Leia _hmph_ ed. 

“What?” Lando asked. Then chuckled as Leia’s frown deepened. He spread his hands wide. “What’s to tell?”

Drawing herself up, Leia started, “Last time I spoke to Luke -”

“Ah, you know Luke always has a lot to say - All right, all right! No need to threaten me with a plant,” Lando said hastily as the pot on the table behind them trembled ominously. He chuckled and ducked his head. Leia wondered if this was the first time she had ever seen Lando Calrissian, rogue, rebel and business baron, look bashful. “Your brother doesn’t speak out of turn.” Lando drew a deep breath. “It’s just new,” he said. “And Luke is on one side of the galaxy. I’m usually on the other side of the galaxy. You know how tough it is when you’re on the same planet, let alone with millions of light years between you.”

Leia thought about all the times she had been separated from Han, either when she was on a diplomatic mission, or when he was gone on errands for the New Republic. And it could be difficult, she supposed... 

But really, once things had started between her and Han, Leia had never questioned it. They had kissed in the Falcon while escaping from the Empire, and that was kind of it. Sure, they argued, frequently, and to pretty much anyone except Luke, Chewie and Lando, it had made no sense. Han Solo, notorious money grubber, settling down? And Princess Leia Organa, choosing _him_? Of all the beings in the galaxy? But choose him she forcefully did. And once Han had chosen her back... Of course, they then fought in a war, survived, and were now endlessly neck deep in rebuilding the Republic. 

But their relationship... It wasn't something she had particularly thought about. Once they had fallen into one another, she had just known that no matter what, Han would support her and she would support him. They would be there for one another. It was a knowledge that lived in her gut as certain as breathing.

But then, Luke always commented that they had bickered like an old married couple within seconds of meeting one another, so maybe she just didn’t have the most universal experience. 

“Well, for what it’s worth, I think you’ll be good for him.”

“Hey now -”

Leia shook her head. “I’m not saying you’ll be married by the end of a Tatooine month,” she said quickly. “I just think you’ll bring him peace. Balance.”

Lando snorted. “Balance to a Jedi Knight, right.”

“Luke is a Jedi Knight, and by all accounts, a good one. But you know him, Lando. He wants to do the right thing. No matter the cost. But he also wants adventure… No matter the cost.” Leia smiled wryly and reached across the short distance between them, taking Lando’s hand. “For all your rogue reputation doesn’t shake, you are grounded in a way Luke never will be. While still having enough adventure in your life to exhaust a Noghri.”

Lando chuckled and lifted one shoulder in a shrug. Leia leaned back against the couch, reaching for her own glass of water.

“And it isn’t love,” Lando said suddenly. This time it was Leia who eyed him over the top of her glass, and eventually a begrudging dopey grin broke through his scowl. But still he insisted, “It isn’t. Not yet.”

Leia nodded her agreement, and Lando cleared his throat.

“Baby boy though, huh?” He gestured to her stomach. She was five months along, only just showing in a way her clothes didn’t hide, and it was all a bit strange. A few of her colleagues in the Senate, those whose species reproduced unlike humanoids, or with more tactile dispositions, were particularly fascinated by the seeming daily changes happening to her body. Had Leia not had literal years of experience in diplomatically side-stepping potentially explosive situations, she would have locked herself in her room to be left undisturbed weeks ago. Even as it was, she sometimes feigned exhaustion as an excuse to work in her quarters, with only Han, Chewie, and her personal aides granted permission to enter. 

“Let’s hope he’s more like you than Han,” Lando said.

Laughing, Leia ran a hand over her bump. “I just hope he’s healthy,” she said quietly. “And happy. And that we can build a peace that lasts for Ben to grow up and fall in love and then pass away quietly in his sleep. Never knowing the stain of war. Or at least, nothing but the fading remnants.”

“Ben’s a good name,” Lando said absently, gazing at her tummy, his mind clearly far away. After a moment, he sighed. “We’ll work hard to make that reality.”

“Yes, let’s work harder. I’ve been sleeping on the job,” she said. “As have you.” Their eyes met, and the pensive looks on their faces held only a beat longer before cracks of hilarity broke through. 

No, there was no rest for the weary.

But she hoped there would be rest for Ben.

*

“It’s a wonder this wasn't destroyed,” Luke said quietly.

They were standing in an enormous cavern entrance on the planet Illum, where Jedi past would go in order to find crystals. It was a test of self which would result in one constructing one’s own lightsaber. It wasn’t a mandatory event, but it was a well-respected one. And it began here. 

Taking a deep breath, Leia followed Luke further into the cavern. It was cold and portentous. It was _enormous_. Almost higher than Leia could see. 

Leia sighed, the cavern was so cold she could see the great puff of her breath. Ben was still only just a year old, and she had been convinced to come in a moment of weakness. Luke had invited her to meditate with him and that evening he was guileless: she had seen in his eyes as soon as they’d greeted one another that there was something else he wanted. Just before they settled into the meditation, Luke had asked her whether she ever considered a lightsaber of her own. And, before she could reply, he suggested they begin. She could give her answer after.

And truth be told, Leia would have agreed to almost anything. She missed him. They hadn't seen each other in months as Luke was travelling all over the galaxy. He was trying to build trust with more planets which had previously respected the Jedi Order: many welcomed him with open arms, lining children up for him to evaluate Force sensitivity. But there were many planets where the dominant feeling was that the Jedi had abandoned them. With all their collective foresight and power, how had they not _known_?

Even if she did have a better idea of how it all happened, Leia could understand the question. She too faced similar repercussions. Why had the Rebellion taken so long? They were free now of the Empire - which was swift becoming a snivelling, shrinking entity retreating farther and farther to the outer rim. So, what need have they for a new republic? The last hadn't served so well.

Leia argued that the Old Republic _had_ served the galaxy well, and for thousands of years. It likely would have continued if not for Senator Palpatine. And for some, a list of the good things done by the Old Republic was enough to convince them of the hope in, and power of, a New Republic. 

But for others… Others asked a question which struck too close to Leia’s own feelings. How strong could the Old Republic have been that _one man_ toppled it? And with that in mind, perhaps a system of individual alliances and trade deals between planets, or even systems, was a better way to go. After all, no banking clan existed any more. Individual currencies with exchange rates could be established: planets, systems, species would be free to set their own destinies. And, for those cynical in the galaxy - and there were many - this arrangement provided many contingencies. Fewer would fall to malice or negligence if fewer were linked together.

Leia sighed. Luke poked her with the dull end of his lightsaber. “You were supposed to leave politics _behind_ when you came here,” he said to her.

She looked at him from the corner of her eyes, raising an eyebrow. “I don't remember agreeing to that.”

“Okay, so that's what I was hoping,” he admitted, offering a grin. 

Half rolling her eyes, Leia took a step towards the feet thick frozen waterfall before her. It was beautiful. The waterfall alone would have been awe inspiring, but with the two enormous, anonymous Jedi statues flanking it… Leia took a deep breath. There was a peace to this place. She breathed it in and breathed out her stresses. 

“There’s a feeling to this place…” Leia breathed in deeply again, feeling Luke’s watchful gaze. “Delight?”

Luke’s grin grew to a smile. There was a light in his eyes that Leia wanted to capture. “The younglings used to come here. Their feelings have remained.”

“That’s wonderful,” she said. Luke nodded, “Isn’t it?”

“Mmm… So. What do I do?”

Luke’s smile turned a little mischievous, and he said quietly, “Just wait.”

After a moment, sudden sunlight filled the cavern, striking the ice waterfall. It surged to life, spilling over itself in its eagerness to reach the ground. When all the water had cleared, a dark cave faced her and Leia took a shuddering breath. She felt… Excited. And frightened. The cave seemed to have its own gravity, urging her in, seeming to promise all kinds of answers. Inside, crystals shone, making a secret and star spangled hollow.

“You’ll have one planetary rotation before it freezes over again,” Luke said warmly beside her. “See you soon, sister.”

Without a word or a backwards glance, Leia strode forwards and vanished into the cave.

*

Leia nestled deeper into Han’s shoulder, his hand drawing soothing lines up and down her arm. Ben was in bed, seemingly at peace, something they had learned to appreciate fully in the rare instances it happened. And on top of that, contentment was surrounding Han in gentle swirls in the Force, and Leia wanted to take in as much as possible.

“So they’re good kids?” she asked into the lull in conversation. Six months earlier, Lando had adopted five sisters after the unexpected loss of their parents. Lando had sort of ring-fenced a few months for privacy, only letting people like Luke or those the sisters knew, visit. Lando extended an invitation to Leia and Han about a month or so ago, and Han had just returned from staying at Lando’s place for a few days. Leia hadn’t yet had the chance to get away.

Han took a deep breath, she could sense his cynicism warring with his positive impressions and she chuckled. He nudged the side of her head with his nose, and grumbled good-naturedly, “I hate when you do that.”

“Don’t be so obvious then.”

“Not all of us grew up with training like, _Royal Diplomacy_ , and _Hiding Emotions in Interrogation_ , your _Highness_.”

“This isn’t an interrogation,” Leia replied primly. “It’s a conversation.”

Han _hmph_ ed, and Leia waited. Finally he said, “Yeah. They’re good kids. Obviously the circumstances are … not ideal,” he said awkwardly. That was certainly one way to describe it. Lando had come to adopt the girls when one of Lando’s oldest friends and business associates, A’brille Dara, and his partner Mel, had died in a freak accident. Coordinates had been uploaded incorrectly into their droid’s database which resulted in a miscalculated jump. Had it still been war time, Leia might have suspected foul play, but as it was, A’brille’s business operations had been almost entirely uncontroversial, and Mel was a travel writer, hardly a target. 

Their five daughters had been waiting for them at home. They had moved into Lando’s within the month.

“But given the situation,” Han continued, “Lando couldn’t have imagined a better bunch. The middle one, Sprin. I like her.” Leia vaguely recalled Lando describing Sprin as testy, which seemed to Leia something Han would certainly be drawn to. “And the second eldest, Sang. She… Well. You would like her.”

“Assertive, is she?” Leia asked pointedly.

But for once, Han didn’t joke. He only agreed. “Definitely assertive. Bright as a quasar.”

“Are they settling in okay?”

Han hesitated. “Lando’s doing a good job. And the girls’re good to each other,” he said slowly. “One or two of the girls are taking longer than the others, but it’s only been six months…”

“Of course.” Leia had had a war to distract her from the pain of her losses for years. Making home on a roving star ship had been no problem: she was as familiar with the strange tug of artificial gravity and the metallic echoes of purpose built corridors as she had been with the expansive natural terrain and gentle architecture of Alderaan. The Dara sisters had to immediately create a new ordinary alongside learning to bear their grief. 

Leia’s mind wandered to Ben and she winced. He was only ten, but she was worried. A couple of years ago Ben had asked about his grandparents. After stories, good and bad, had been told, Ben had been uninterested in Bail or Breha, much to Leia’s heart ache. He hadn’t seemed particularly to care about Padme Amidala or any of Han’s parents either. 

But Vader… 

Ben had been drawn to Vader’s story, and seemed almost to mourn Vader’s loss in those months. It had made Leia deeply uncomfortable, particularly that it seemed his grief was for Vader, and not Anakin. Han hadn’t been so worried. He thought that was the way Ben was figuring out how to deal with the horror of Vader’s actions. Leia wasn’t so sure. 

That was some time ago now, but she remained wary. And even so, if she or Han, or Jedi help them, both of them, somehow ended up dead, what might happen with Ben? There was a disquiet to him that seemed to her unnatural in one so young. Or at least, one so young who grew up without war.

She rolled her shoulders to ease the tension, and picked up Han’s hand, playing with his fingers. Han responded by closing his hand into a fist, chuckling as Leia tugged each finger loose. Leia felt an unexpected surge of affection at the sound, and pulled his hand up to kiss each knuckle before nipping at his pinky finger for good measure. Han responded by gently tweaking her earlobe and Leia smiled. She took a deep breath and leaned her head on his shoulder, focussing on the contentment still lapping lazily around him.

“Five kids,” Leia said thoughtfully, after a time. “Can you imagine?”

“Five _girls_ ,” Han agreed, sounding faintly horrified. “Knowing my luck, they’d all end up just like you.”

“And how very lucky you would be,” Leia said, pinching his hip. He yelped and tugged a lock of her hair. 

The inevitable scuffle led to Leia straddling Han’s lap, her fingers deep in his hair as his hands slipped up under her top. She breathed, “Bedroom,” against his lips. Without a word, Han lifted her and carried her into their room, the door sliding silently shut behind them. 

*

Leia walked slowly up the hill behind their accommodation on G’loot Praktaw. She followed the gentle feeling of Luke somewhere at its crest and rounded a bend, finding him sprawled in the dirt at the top of the hill. His hands were behind his head, his eyes fixed with deep concentration on the stars filling the night sky. 

When he didn’t acknowledge her arrival, Leia put her hands on her hips. “I would have thought travelling through space all the time would have been enough,” Leia commented dryly, falling to her knees and then rolling to lie on her back on the ground beside Luke.

He grinned, and Leia lowered her head to look up as well. “Ben in bed?” he asked once she was settled.

Leia pulled a face. “No. He’s locked himself in a room in the Chamber Hall and reprogrammed the door to be endlessly changing the entry code…” She took a deep breath. She was irritated but, if she was honest, also impressed. She decided to accept the positive feelings, and grinned. “But tonight is Han’s night for getting Ben to bed.” Luke chuckled beside her. She extended a hand up and indicated the stars once again. “So? Starry nights, Luke?”

“Some of us spent our childhoods dreaming about getting up there,” he replied pointedly. “ _Some_ of us weren’t raised as royalty. _Some_ of us had to do an honest day’s work.”

“You said you mostly did a half day’s work before going off to Toshi to look at speeders.”

Luke hesitated. Then said, “All right. Some of us had to do an honest _half day_ ’s work.” Leia snorted and Luke smiled. He continued, “The thing about dreaming about getting up there is true, though. I always took time to watch them when I could. Imagining that getting onto a ship would feel like home. Longing for it. I could never explain it to Uncle Owen…”

A surge of his grief washed over Leia. She wasn’t prepared for it. Feeling Luke’s mourning woke her own feelings of loss. She remembered what the stars looked like, looking up at them from her parent’s bedroom balcony on Alderaan. For a moment, everything inside her ached savagely.

Then Luke’s hand found hers where it rested on her belly. He took her hand tightly and sent calm across their connection.

“How do you do that?” Leia asked, with more acerbity than she actually meant. 

“Do what?”

“ _That_ ,” she said, shaking his hand, still holding hers. “Spread feelings of calm. Sometimes the tumult is necessary, you know.” Luke met and held her gaze, still calm, just waiting. Leia frowned at him, then half rolled her eyes, exasperated with herself. “I do… admire your ability to do it, though.”

Luke shrugged, offering a crooked smile before he looked back to the sky and they fell into a companionable silence. Luke was still enraptured with the stars; she could sense him using their beauty as a balm to the sharp sadness he was feeling. Leia looked at the stars and didn’t really see them. She got lost in reflections on her parents, and on Alderaan. And then, unexpectedly, she was thinking about her brief shared history with Luke, from before Alderaan.

She had learned of Padme Amidala. The details of Padme’s death were hazy in the official annals. There had been conspiracy theories for a few years around the beginning, but their reach was nothing compared to the reach of Emperor Palpatine after his ascension. Mentions of her were erased, and as far as Leia could piece together, any groups who alleged foul play in her death were quickly routed by the Emperor. To Leia’s findings, the date of Amidala’s death matched her and Luke’s birth dates. It was clear to her that somehow Amidala had died in childbirth, unheard of as that was on Coruscant.

It had driven Leia to some distraction when she first put it together. Han had recognised the look on her face. He had sat with her for hours, reaching out to his own contacts in case there were strands of the story remaining in any of his circles - many former Loyalists had gone into black market areas when the Empire’s plans became evident. Between them though, there was only so much they could do. The details were lost to history as everyone there that day had now passed on.

Leia had a feeling she would have liked Senator Amidala. She had been a formidable player in the Senate in her tenure, and before that, as queen. And, even more to her favour in Leia’s eyes, she had been a close ally of Leia’s father. Together, Senators Organa and Amidala had been a force to be reckoned with in the days of the Old Republic. Amidala was reputed to have had an unyielding approach, utterly immovable in her convictions. Leia would have liked learning from her. So she felt it an addition to the Empire’s long litany of wrongs that any fond feeling for Amidala amongst the people had been quashed. 

Anakin, on the other hand… Leia sighed. After all her research, her feelings about Anakin remained a mess. Sometimes she thought that at least cerebrally she understood him. There were, after all, no shortage of similarity between herself and the reports she could find of his behaviour. But that didn’t mean she could reconcile everything that came later.

After a time, Leia squeezed Luke’s hand, still holding hers. “When you read about our father,” she began slowly. Luke rolled his head to look at her clearly. The starlight was still bright in his eyes. Leia felt a surge of undiluted affection. “Did you come across someone called Ahsoka Tano?”

Luke was so earnest, Leia thought, watching his response play out on his face before he even said a word. He would make a terrible politician. She loved him for that. 

Finally he said cautiously, “Our father’s Padawan, before she left the Jedi Order. Yes, I have.”

“You’ve looked for her,” Leia said. It wasn’t a question.

“Yes.”

“You’ve found her.”

“Maybe.”

Leia studied her brother’s face. The naked fear of what might be found along with Tano. The hurt confusion that Tano had not sought them out herself. Leia could read all this in his expression, and wondered idly whether her defences ever went so low. 

“Let’s go check,” Leia said. At Luke’s raised eyebrow, Leia squeezed his hand. “Let’s go and check if you’ve found Ahsoka Tano.”

His smile turned a little sad. “You’ve got time for that?” Then he shook his head. “ _I’ve_ got time for that? It could take months, Leia.”

Leia hesitated, pulling a face. “Okay then, let’s _make_ time to see if you’ve found Ahsoka Tano.”

Luke watched her a moment longer, then nodded. But his face told a different story. Leia could see the disbelief in the corners of his mouth, in the lack of lustre in his eyes. But he said, “Sure, let’s try to find out.”

Stubbornly, a rebellious determination coursing out of her belly to wrap around her spine, Leia decided she would absolutely make the time, and force Luke to do the same. Beside her, Luke chuckled. “If anyone could do it, Leia, it’s you,” he said affably. And despite the fact that she told herself she didn’t want to be soothed, Leia felt some of the belligerence leaving her spine. She shook her head, a reluctant smile spreading her lips. “What power in the galaxy can stop us?” she asked, and Luke fought his own grin.

He looked back to the stars and shrugged awkwardly, shoulder dragging across the dirt beneath them, sending a puff of dry earth into the air. “Not the Empire, for one.”

“Exactly,” Leia said quietly, as Luke turned reflective beside her. “Not even the Empire,” she murmured.

*

Luke’s face was wan in the screen and Leia swallowed heavily. “Tell me what happened,” she said.

Taking a deep breath, Luke began, “I didn’t know Snoke was coming. I obviously knew about the delegation from the New Republic. Their visit was scheduled weeks ago.” 

Leia nodded. She had first suggested the committee to broker a treaty between the New Republic and Luke’s fledgling Jedi school. It had seemed prudent: Luke already had three dozen planets interested in testing the Force sensitivity of their younglings, and a treaty between the New Republic and Luke’s school could benefit them both. Once New Republic Senators were convinced, Leia took herself away from the process to ensure no doubt could cloud the legitimacy of an agreement brokered; accusations of nepotism could sink them all.

“Someone on the committee must be in Snoke’s pocket, or is tempted to be,” Luke continued. He licked his lips. “I don’t know how he managed it. The Force didn’t even warn me until the gangway had lowered on their ship.” Leia shook her head. She knew. It had been the same for her. The Force struck up and positively sang to her with warning, but only when Snoke had landed planetside. At the same moment she had felt the cold dread from Luke. Too late. 

Luke took a deep breath. “Snoke asked to see the students assembled. We’d planned on this anyway, and I couldn’t see a way around it without jeopardising the treaty, the school and Ben.” He winced, watching her with wide, aching eyes. “I should have thought more quickly. I’m sure there’s something I could have done.”

“Stop, Luke,” Leia said grimly. “There was more at stake than my son.” It was painful to say out loud, no matter how true it was. Nausea rolled through her, making her arms feel quivery. She gripped the table either side the screen. She was exhausted. She had felt the… disturbance in the Force less than a full day ago, when she was in a ship preparing for landing at a planet moon. She was on a mission to persuade them to join the New Republic, and only through long practice did she set aside her panic and misgivings in order to get the job done. That treaty was signed. Less than ten minutes ago, she had stepped away from the celebrations claiming exhaustion in order to call Luke. 

She took a deep breath and met his gaze steadily. “Tell me.”

Luke looked sick. “When the students were all lined up, Snoke took his time. Stopped to talk with many of them. But it was different with Ben.” He swallowed heavily. “It was so artful, Leia,” he breathed. “He was a master. To anyone else listening, the conversation wouldn’t be remarkable. But to my ears, and… And you could _feel_ Ben as he just took it all in.” Leia knew. She had felt Ben’s sharp spike of intrigue. Still felt his insidious interest in Snoke, and the persistent dissonance echoing through the Force. 

“He spoke in a way which set Ben apart, made him out to be ‘ _unique._ ’ It was about balance of the Force. He said something, it was veiled and I only barely realised it was a reference to our father. Ben knew instantly.”

Leia cursed. She had tried to turn Ben’s attentions away from Vader, even an interest in Anakin would have been better. He was getting better at hiding it; she had thought she succeeded. Between that and Snoke… Leia had been trying to keep Ben from meeting Snoke since the first conversation she’d ever had with the man, and she had felt his insidious interest in her son. Had felt it crawl across her skin, wrapping around the blankets tucked around Ben, still then only a few months old, held tight to her chest.

She hadn’t wanted to worry Han about it. Even though he teased both her and Luke about the Force, he never seemed wholly at ease with it and she couldn’t blame him. So when Snoke made comments about balances of Light and Dark in Ben, she had done everything in her power to keep them from crossing paths again. She and Luke took extra precautions, teaching Ben Force techniques to block his thoughts and feelings from being read or influenced by others. Leia also took pains to arrange for Han, Chewie or Luke to take Ben off-world whenever Snoke was due in the New Republic capital, or organising the schedule so Ben was always busy, never available.

She cursed again. Obviously her efforts had failed. “We were outmanoeuvred,” she grit out. Luke frowned and Leia clenched her fist. “What have you heard about Snoke?”

“Not much,” he admitted. “He seems to have come from almost no where with the First Order from the diminishing Empire. Before today I’d have said probably a user of the Dark Side, but now I’m sure of that much.”

Leia nodded tightly. “The rumours are limited but some whispers claim Snoke has decades of experience with the Dark Side.” She hesitated. “Bantha shit, Luke. Some say hundreds of years.”

“What, that Snoke has been practicing?” At Leia’s nod, he shook his head. “Not possible. Master Yoda said there could only ever be two Sith Lords at any one time. That was the Emperor and Vader.”

“No one said Snoke was a Sith Lord,” Leia pointed out quietly.

The blood drained from Luke’s face. Leia gave him a moment to let that settle in before saying quietly, “What do we do about Ben?”

For a moment, Luke’s face showed only bare hopelessness, and Leia was consumed by dread. But her brother was learning to shield his emotions: be less guileless, more artful. The momentary lapse was replaced instead with a measured look. Somehow, this didn’t reassure Leia and her dread only intensified. She could feel Snoke as though he were in the room watching the interaction, a darkness creeping just outside her line of sight. And now before her, her sincere and beloved brother becoming a political actor even to his sister…

“We’ll figure something out,” he said.

After a moment, Leia nodded. She didn’t know that she agreed.

*

"They're going to regret that decision," Lando said darkly, his image crystal clear in the display in her office.

Leia grimaced. "I hope not," she said lowly. But in her gut she agreed with him. The manoeuvring had been swift, in the way of a plan long awaiting fruition. And within the blink of an eye, she found herself shunted to the outskirts of the Senate, discredited as warmonger, even while war was waged in the quiet regions, just to the corner of the Senate's eyes.

They were, in the grand scheme of things, not long out from Endor. Perhaps Leia was more surprised than she ought to be at the machinations playing out in dark corners and quiet corridors. Leia hadn’t thought herself to be a prime target, not when there was Mon Mothma, Ackbar, so many others who wielded much greater power. 

Foolishness on her part. Leia had the ears of each and every one of the New Republic’s leadership. 

The First Order was causing trouble at the Outer Rim. Action had to be taken. The reports could not be denied. Or so Leia had thought. She had presented the information to all the assembled Senators, had argued for a plan, had challenged Senator Snoke to explain the actions of his organisation, particularly while they were still in negotiations with the member states of the New Republic. 

And into the taut, angry silence after her charge, Snoke had looked at her, his expression one of pity as he began to categorically denounce the evidence, painting the reports as false. Leia had sat stiff, knowing her rage was clear on her face, in her posture. But she had been certain that no one in the room could believe such obvious bantha shit. That is, until Snoke changed tack, and the mood in the room shifted. The Force surged a warning, but Leia almost snapped at it that it was too late for that. 

“Such a tragedy,” Snoke had concluded sadly, “for Senator Organa to be so immersed in war. Only ever seeing battle tactics and military strategy.” He turned to the assembled then and said, “We cannot blame Senator Organa. Her upbringing and valiant participation in the war have shaped her. She is a hero… But for a different time. Senator Organa’s experience has turned her away from the memory of her lost and peace-loving homeworld. From necessity, she has had to let go of the staunch beliefs of her father, the beloved Viceroy Bail Organa, a bulwark for peace. She has had to turn away from the inspiring example of her mother, Queen Breha Organa, known for her mission to spread Alderaan’s pacifist beliefs to new generations. It is a tragedy. My most honoured Senators of the New Republic, in this time when we all seek leadership to create reconciliation… I can only conclude that Alderaan’s favourite daughter is not fit to join us as we rebuild the galaxy. It pains me to say, but Senator Organa has shown us that she is but a warmonger.”

Only a third of the seats in the enormous chamber hall were filled as the New Republic continued to grow, but already the cacophony of enraged voices could fill the space to a deafening degree. And when they joined the chant started by a couple of the Senators who were under Snoke’s thumb, all together shouting one word, one word aimed at her… “Warmonger! Warmonger! Warmonger!” 

It was terrifying.

Leia had stood to defend herself, but Han had tugged her back down. Into her ear he muttered, “Don’t argue. Not right now… You’ll make it worse. We’ll figure it out.” Leia had gritted her teeth and stayed in her seat. Without thinking she turned her glare on Snoke and found him watching her. His face was still a portrait of sympathy, but his eyes glittered maliciously at her. Victorious.

Later, Mon Mothma had looked pained as she asked, officially, for Leia to step down from the advisory council. Leia could still participate, of course. Her work in the Rebellion had granted her that privilege. And privately Mon Mothma vowed that this break would only be temporary. Leia felt otherwise. In her heart, and with the Force tweaking her instincts in agreement, Leia thought it unlikely she would ever regain her position as Senator.

She’d need to find another way to serve the New Republic. A different way to guarantee peace.

Leia took a deep breath. She looked at Lando to find him watching her patiently, something pained in his eyes. She rolled her shoulders and took a deep breath, letting a sly smile stretch her lips. "Well, to save the New Republic from that regret, _you_ could always petition for a return to the Senate."

Lando barked a laugh. "They'd want you back in a hurry, no doubt about it."

*

Leia could sense it as soon as she stepped off her ship: chaos, and love. And unlike when she, Han and Chewie had been met with a similar empty landing pad on Bespin thirteen years ago, Leia wasn't worried. She shuffled Threepio along, taking her time closing the ship. It had been nearly eight months since Lando adopted the five girls after the death of their parents. It was her first time meeting them, but Luke had spoken almost as fondly of them as Lando had, and Han was thoroughly enchanted. 

Half an eye on the ship as she did the closing protocols, Leia ran through everything she knew about the girls in her mind: Penyeya, called Yays, was the eldest at seventeen. She was also the gentlest of the bunch. Lando described her as “parental” in a voice of mixed gratitude for the help and worry that she was too mature, too fast. Sang came next, “the Commander”. Fourteen and de facto leader of her sisters, she took charge without even thinking about it. Sprin was thirteen, Han’s secret favourite and Leia guessed that was because Sprin was described as, well, grumpy. Ranna was six, loved all things clever tech: ships, droids, some advanced data pads. And horticulture, “for good measure,” Luke would say on a laugh. And last but never to be forgotten: Ill’iya. The youngest, and most doted upon.

Lando was winded when finally the doors slid open at the end of the walkway. Threepio, taken aback by his panting arrival, asked, alarmed, "Are you quite all right, General?"

"I'm not a general anymore, Threepio," Lando said, pulling Leia into a tight hug. "But I'm sorry I didn't meet you. The kids." He had a harried look to him even as he shrugged, and Leia grinned widely, enjoying the tired satisfaction radiating off of him. “You’re not telling me you find them a handful, Lando?” Lando levelled a stare at her, but Leia was enjoying herself far too much to pay it any mind. “Not the man who brags about his leadership in the -”

“All right, you rascal,” he interrupted, laughter in his voice, guiding her through the door and into the main corridor of his base. “Best not keep them waiting anyway,” he added. “Do you know how many times Ill’iya said she’s excited to meet ‘Princess Senator’ Organa?”

“I’m guessing a lot,” Leia said, smiling. Ill’iya was a sprightly five years old, and by all accounts, the term ‘bouncing off the walls’ applied to none more than her. 

“At least twelve times,” Lando agreed. Then added, “In the last hour.”

Leia’s smile grew. She was about to ask how they were settling in when a tall brown girl rounded the corner, looking unhappy. Leia guessed her age to be around twelve - she had the kind of stretched-out height that came with a sudden growth spurt. She was lovely, Leia thought. Intelligence in her dark grey eyes and confidence in the line of her spine. Her curly black hair bounced above her shoulders as she looked around, a buzzing kind of energy to match the crankiness of her expression. She spotted them, and her scowl deepened when she looked at Lando. Just as she was about to open her mouth, and Leia could imagine it was a complaint about one of her sisters, Leia stepped forward.

“You must be Sprin,” she said warmly, extending her hand. The girl started, and eyed Leia suspiciously. “I’m Leia Organa.”

“Lando told you who I was,” Sprin accused, hanging back.

Lando shook his head. “Not today, Sprout. I told you Leia was good.”

Sprin narrowed her eyes briefly at him, then remembered her manners. As was custom on the planet she had called home before she came to live with Lando, she turned to Leia and bent at the waist, her spine straight. “It is an honour to meet you, Senator Organa.”

“The honour is mine, Sprin,” Leia replied, similarly bending at the waist. “I take it one of your sisters is proving a challenge?”

Sprin hesitated then rolled her eyes dramatically. “Can I be honest?”

“I hope so,” Leia said, swallowing a laugh.

“Ill’iya is _really_ annoying,” she said, petulantly. “I wish you had got here days ago so you could have met her already and she would have _stopped talking about it_. She’s such a kriffing moof-milker.”

“Sprin,” Lando said evenly, casting a look at Threepio who had gasped an “Oh my,” startled. “Is that any way to speak to a guest? Someone who is as good a friend to this family as Leia is?”

Sprin offered an expansive shrug of her shoulders. The action was so reminiscent of Lando that Leia couldn’t stop her laugh. Sprin glared at her in turn, as if suspecting Leia of not taking her seriously. She crossed her arms over her chest. “She said I could be _honest_.”

“Honesty can still be _diplomatic_ , Sprin,” Lando said sternly.

Leia shook her head, still smiling. “Lando, if I may?”

“Be my guest.”

“Sprin, you may always be honest with me,” Leia said, holding eye contact with Sprin, even following her movement when Sprin tried to look away. “But Lando is right. We must practice diplomacy.” Leia made a face, tipped her head to indicate Threepio beside her. “Particularly in front of sensitive protocol droids.” 

“Pardon me,” Threepio said, affronted. “I have never considered myself sensitive.”

“What do you consider yourself, then?” Lando asked, with obvious curiosity.

Threepio paused for a moment, then said, “Dignified.”

Lando’s laughter bounced off the walls of the corridor while Threepio muttered indignantly. Leia’s smile stretched only wider as Sprin’s foot tapped on the floor, her hand on her waist.

"Now who’s not being diplomatic?” Sprin demanded.

“Kid, you ever hear the term, Do as I say, not as I do?” Lando asked, pretending to wipe a tear from his eye.

Sprin _hmph_ ed.

Lando opened his arms, as if to say, “There you go,” and this was such a Han-like gesture that Leia checked her chrono. “Sprin, why don’t you take me to meet Ill’iya? Han and Ben are due soon, and I think it best we get the initial introductions done before they arrive.”

Sprin perked up at mention of Ben’s name, but she tried to hide her interest. “Ben's a kid who can use the Force, right?” she asked in a voice overly casual as she led Leia and Lando down the corridor. “I’m only asking ‘cause Ranna likes that kind of thing and she didn’t meet him last time he visited with Han. Me neither, but Ranna’s the one who cares.”

“Of course she is,” Leia agreed easily. “And yes, Ben does use the Force.”

Sprin nodded very seriously, then glanced at Lando. “I’ll go ahead, to tell the others.”

“You do that,” he said warmly, and Sprin dashed off.

“She’s great, Lando,” Leia said as Sprin disappeared around the corner. “If her sisters are anything like her, you’ve got your hands full. But in the best way, I imagine.”

“You know, I’ve got to agree with you there,” he said.

Threepio made a disgruntled noise, and said, “I think Miss Sprin was rather lacking in manners.”

“Did you now?” Lando asked, an edge of danger in his tone. “Then I say she’s doing something right.”

Threepio took a startled step back, before muttering, “I don’t know why I’m brought along on these trips, I’m never appreciated…”

Letting him chat himself out, Leia linked an arm through Lando’s. “Give me a quick run down of each of your girls before we get in the room,” she asked.

Lando did not require much encouragement, to Leia’s unending pleasure.

*

“From what I'm hearing around the Outer Rim,” Lando was saying, “Snoke is on the move.”

“Snoke?” Leia asked, her teeth gritted, trying to soothe her rising frustration at the whole idiotic situation. How could the beings of the New Republic forget so quickly? She tapped her fingers on the top of her desk in aggravation, then stood and looked absently out across the coiled spires of Hanna City, the capital city of Chandrila and first chosen capital of the New Republic. Leia may have been sidelined from the Galactic Senate, but she made damn sure she stayed for the debates, decisions, and particularly the machinations happening behind the scenes. 

_For all the good it does,_ she thought in annoyance. 

“Snoke…” she said again. “That son of a bantha has his eyes on Ben. I know they're still in contact, though Ben keeps it secret.” Lando winced sympathetically and Leia shook her head to clear it. “What kind of move do the rumours say he'll be making?” she asked

“Well, that’s the thing. 'On the move' seems to mean literally. To some kind of new base.” Lando hesitated, then said grimly, “And the rumours make it sound like a mobile base.” He let out a big breath. “I don't know, Leia. Maybe it's old paranoia, but there was something worryingly familiar about that description.”

Drawing a slow, deep breath, Leia turned back from the darkening twilight. She walked to the wall behind Lando, who turned in his chair to watch her. She watched him for a moment, preemptive guilt twisting in her gut.

He had left behind the political grind of the New Republic long ago. Lando and a Senator from Enis had nearly come to blows over allegations about backdoor trading between Enis and the shrinking remnants of the Empire. From the New Republic's delicate and diplomacy-first perspective, some things could be forgiven but not forgotten, and certainly not encouraged. Lando had been correct, and the New Republic eventually took a case to the New Republic High Court. But that did not matter: Lando was not a Senator, the being from Enis had been. It wasn't that Lando was summarily banished or even officially kicked out. He was simply never invited back.

And the break had seemed mutual. Lando had been on his ship the next morning, returning home and focusing on his family and his business. 

Leia, on the other hand, did not know how to step back. She knew how to fight, with words or with blasters. Her natural home was a battlefield. Sometimes she indulged in imagining asking Han whether he wanted to just walk away. Maybe if they moved to help Luke at his Jedi school, or went even further. If they found a planet, far from the centre of New Republic politics or First Order threats and lived a different life. If they raised Ben as parents who were at his side first, and at each other's second, rather than at the New Republic's first, at her team's second, at each other's third, and then, finally, at Ben's side. Maybe then Ben would be more confident of his place in the galaxy - or, perhaps more importantly, he would be more confident of his place in the hearts of his family.

But when she followed that line of thought, eked out the reality of just such a scenario and considered the quiet, she knew she would be broken by it. Knew that Han would be broken by it. Thinking then of the faces of her team, of the fragility of the New Republic, and how everything within her burned to fight, to make things right, to bring peace. And she thought, _Ben is surrounded by those who love him,_ even if she and Han weren't always there - Chewie, Luke, Lando and his girls, their friends in systems near and far. All with Ben in their hearts and in their minds. 

She told herself that should be enough. They would make sure it was enough. Somehow.

So she would pick up her next report, or go to her next meeting, or strategise her next operation. Leia felt right with a weapon in her hand or her words as weapon on her tongue. In the back of her mind there was always a whisper that some evil was moving for Ben and that he might not escape its reach. She tried to ignore it.

Leia did not want Lando to get as embedded in the fight as she was. She didn’t want him to be dogged by anything resembling her concerns for Ben when it came to his girls. But…

Needs must.

She licked her lips. "Lando," she began steadily, holding his gaze calmly. “Normally I would only share this after an agreement had been reached, but it's you, and I owe you this much -”

“Leia, stop,” he interrupted, holding a hand up. “Show me your team.”

She narrowed her eyes. “How did you know?”

“You've kept your secret well,” he reassured. At her frown, he added, “I promise. But old habits die hard. I've been tracking New Republic ship movements since I left. X-Wings particularly. There have been some... unorthodox missions. And it took some time, but eventually I recognised the ghosts of your tactical fingerprints. And - something spooked the First Order into moving their timeframes forward. Or so the rumours imply.” He cracked a charming half smile. “No one spooks evil empires more effectively than Leia Organa.”

Something eased in Leia's chest even while her gut still twisted. “Han said I shouldn't involve you.”

“Ah, Han's an ol’ softie. He wants to preserve the Calrissian family bliss. As if I didn’t have enough sense to realise the damn galaxy was in trouble again. Or as if my girls would stand for me sitting on my hands, doing nothing.”

“Someone's family should be blissful,” Leia muttered, more petty than she had intended. The strain was getting to her. That was a bad sign.

But Lando's look softened. “You and Han, you’ve just got to spend a bit more time with the kid. You want the galaxy safe for him, but Ben is sweet. He feels the pressure. He needs his parents more than he needs two war heroes.”

He was being kind, she knew. But even so, Leia could feel her jaw clenching, the muscles down her neck and across her shoulders tensing. 

And so much for diplomatic training: it must have shown on her face because Lando sighed, then offered an encouraging smile. “Ben will grow out of it. You know how bad Sang's been lately? Borderline Sithspawn. Hell, I'll be glad of the excuse to leave the planet. Leave the Commander to her sisters.”

Leia took the peace offering for what it was. Forcing her muscles to relax, she chuckled. “I hope you're right. About Ben, but also about Sang’s nickname. We could use someone of her gumption.” She turned, shaking off her worry and fear for Ben. There would be time for that later. She laid her palm flat on an innocuous seeming panel on the wall. When she withdrew her hand, a number pad glowed faintly.

“Clever,” Lando said.

“Isn't it?” Leia agreed, entering her code. “Luke designed it.”

“What, in all his spare time?” Lando asked wryly. He had just finished asking the question when the display loaded and he rose to his feet. “Leia. Organa… You have been busier than even I expected. And I know your wily ways.”

Displayed in the space between them, with extra documents projected around them on the walls, were maps, lists, holos, vids and even -

“Is that the route of -”

“Snoke's personal aide’s mission runs?” Leia nodded. Then pointed to another document. “All New Republic senators, delegates and representatives suspected of being in the First Order's pocket. And an additional list of beings seemingly above suspicion, but with potential cracks our intelligence note may be exploitable.”

“How in the hell have you managed all this? I thought your operation only got off the ground a year or two ago.”

Leia shrugged, flicking through one of the folders to find a particular list. She thought wistfully of her mother. Breha remained one of the most resourceful people Leia had ever met, and her mother had taken joy in teaching that resourcefulness to Leia. 

There had been one afternoon, the sun shining through a skylight and falling hot on the top of Leia’s head. Often Breha would look to recognise the ubiquitous things all around that beings took for granted, seeing them instead in a different light. Anything, Breha would often say, can be a tool for peace. Or, survival. On this particular afternoon, when Leia wanted to be outside in the gardens, her mother lectured her on the history of one small militia group who had operated on Alderaan centuries earlier. Leia had tipped her head back, rolled her eyes. 

“Why do we care about some group of political agitators from 632 years ago?” she whined. Her mother sighed and sat down. 

“Because information is also a resource, Leia. The more you have, the better you’ll understand. Everything. Do you think the Empire _really_ deleted all the history files from the Republic and its member states?”

Leia frowned, and met her mother’s gaze. “I… No, there would not be much sense in that,” she admitted, a little begrudging.

“And why not?”

“Because the more information they have about the planets they terrorise, the more… The more they can do anything they wish. The more political leverage they can muster, and when that fails, the more precise their tactics when overt suppression becomes necessary.”

Her mother nodded. Leia had been distracted for a moment by the way the lines around her mother’s eyes had pulled taut. 

Presently, with Lando scrolling his way through one of her spy’s report, Leia hesitated momentarily when flicking through the files: a name caught her eye. _Naboo._ While her mother had taught her to utilise any resource, she had since learned Padme Amidala had been relentless. _A hellion_ , one Senator had described her privately. The history logs noted that she worked extensively with Leia’s parents, and that none of them ever backed down from the front line of any argument when lives were involved. It was a legacy of which Leia was deeply proud, and one which she used to sustain her when doubt reigned. 

And maybe that, Leia thought, was where she and Han had gone wrong. In assuming Ben would have the same morality of his parents. Perhaps Leia’s tenacity or Han’s keen instincts. Instead, he had something else. Something darker, more selfish and confusing. Something Leia didn't understand, and maybe… Maybe she didn't want to understand it. For fear that it maybe wasn’t so different to something within herself. 

Lando had long ago said he hoped Ben would be more like her than like Han. A joke for a joyous time, but Leia thought of it from time to time. She was aware an influence was missing from those she mentally credited. She knew herself and was no fool. She recognised the Anakin-Vader omission. In all its gasping, devastating and resolutely _rejected_ glory. Even now, she scorned and feared that part of her history, that immutable part of herself… 

And when it came to Ben… She wanted desperately to simply love her son. Not to scorn or fear any part of him. So. Leia steered clear and delved back into what she knew.

With Lando now peering over her shoulder, Leia broached the silence, “Read this, Lando."

*

“Well. That is a new look on you,” Leia said dryly as she came down the steps of the landing port to find Luke waiting in an open-air speeder, with enough room to comfortably seat two people. He was wearing, as far as Leia could tell, an item of clothing not dissimilar to a loose-fitting flight suit. The key difference, besides size, being that it appeared to be every shade of purple she had ever seen, and possibly a few her eyes could not actually register. R2-D2 offered his equivalent of a chuckle. “And, hello Artoo,” Leia added belatedly. The droid trilled a binary greeting from his spot in the back of the speeder.

Luke grinned. “I’ve found the local Fetoons respond more to my questions if I appear innocuous.” He raised an eyebrow at Leia as she stood eyeing him. She had stepped closer to the speeder and could now see his feet. The shoes were overlarge and even in the shadows Leia could tell the orange hue was dastardly. “And I am certain there are Force sensitive younglings in their population… The records indicate the old Jedi Academy would have an intake of at least two Fetoons every year.”

Moving slowly for the speeder’s door, Leia slid into the passenger seat and smirked. “ _That_ is innocuous?”

“Have you been to Fetoo?” he asked, unperturbed, adjusting his seat and nudging the speeder from idle into the thrum of engine power. Leia belted herself in as the speeder rose higher from the ground and settled back into her seat. “I have not,” she admitted.

“Well,” he said, lips twitching. “This is borderline tame by their standards.”

“Jedi help us,” she muttered as they set off.

“Oh, I will,” Luke replied.

“Nerfherder,” Leia said without malice.

“Womp rat,” Luke responded easily.

They travelled in companionable silence for a little while before Leia asked, “And what exactly do you think Lando will make of this?”

“He’ll hate it,” Luke said cheerfully. “He asked me to come -” here Luke paused and adopted a passable impression of Lando, “- _dressed neutrally, Luke, and ideally in official Jedi regalia._ ” He dropped the impersonation and grinned at Leia. “I had time to change before I met you. But I’m pretty sure he just doesn’t want me to upstage him. And, I think it’s good to push Lando’s buttons from time to time.”

“His five daughters don’t do that enough?”

Luke shot her a mischievous look. “I’ve asked Ill’iya to wear purple so we match.”

Leia laughed loudly, then shook her head. Leia didn’t doubt that the youngest Dara sister was enthusiastic. “Ill’iya will look lovely. You on the other hand… I've never known purple to look bad on a person. When you’re looking for a new partner, let me know,” she added, “There are a few eligible men around the Resistance base I can introduce you to.”

Luke grinned again. “I’ll change after we arrive and before we meet Lando’s business partners. Don’t worry.”

“I’m not worrying,” Leia corrected. “I’m looking forward to this.”

After a moment, Luke said, “Me too.” Something had shifted in his mood, Leia could feel it in the current of the Force around their speeder. She turned to look at him properly. A wistful expression had settled on his face.

“Everything alright?” she asked quietly. Luke glanced at her and shifted in his seat so he sat taller, his shoulders back. He hesitated, though he tried to hide it by paying undue concentration as he navigated a curve in their speeder’s path. Leia scoffed out loud at the poor show: her brother’s skill piloting almost any vehicle in the known galaxy was legendary. As though a little dust and flora could prove a challenge.

He sensed her incredulity, a chagrined smile broke along his face. Then he sobered. “Have you felt it? In the Force?”

Leia’s heart raced, a prickling of panic playing across her palms. She took a deep breath, clenching her hands into fists, and nodded. “It’s like… I don’t know how to describe it.”

“A disturbance,” Luke said. His mood shifted again, old grief stirring. “That’s what Obi-wan would have said.”

“That… Yes, that feels right,” Leia agreed. She took another breath, and watched Luke’s profile. “What do you think it means?”

“I don’t know.”

“Luke,” Leia began, increased urgency pulsing through her veins, raising the hair on her arms and back of her neck. “I’m worried it’s linked to Ben.”

Luke glanced at her. He looked suddenly aged, as though decades had passed in the blink of an eye. A man burdened by the universe, his mouth tight and his eyes old. Leia’s heart clenched, her gut turned. What was to come of them? As if feeling Leia’s worry, R2-D2 let out a warbling mournful song behind them. 

“Me too,” Luke said quietly, throwing a glance over his shoulder to R2. “But we’ll figure it out.”

“How?”

“I don’t know.”

Leia was about to press, but the blue stone columned entryway of Lando’s private villa loomed large before them so she took deep breaths to calm her racing heart, setting the issue aside to be discussed later. She could sense Luke doing the same.

They had gone only a few metres past the pillars before the speeder communicator buzzed static followed by Lando’s voice, incredulous and furious: “What in a Hutt’s stinking bowel are you wearing, Skywalker?” Any lingering worries washed from them both in a wave of laughter.

Lando met them as they parked, Ill’iya dancing around him, chatting loudly, in a bright purple dress with a flowing skirt which swung around her legs at her every movement. Her copper coils bounced, round ash brown cheeks dusted with sparkling makeup, grey eyes bright. Leia laughed again, and Luke swallowed heavily beside her, fighting down his own laughter. He vaulted out of their speeder, striding to plant a kiss on Lando’s cheek and offering a merry, “Hello!”

“Luke,” Lando said mildly, crossing his arms over his chest. “I asked you to come in your official Jedi regalia.” Evidently Lando had decided against annoyance and settled instead for a benign interest. He looked at Leia, raising an eyebrow. His lips twitched. “You agreed to travel with him, dressed like this?”

Leia shrugged, getting out of the speeder more demurely. “It’s not every day I get to see every shade of purple in the known universe on one garment,” she replied. Then turned to the youngest Dara sister. “Hello, Ill’iya,” she said. “You look very pretty.”

“Thanks, Leia!” Ill’iya turned to Luke and spun on her toes so her dress fanned out in a sparkling swirl around her. She was only a few weeks away from her eighth birthday, but already she was almost eye level with Leia. Not for the first time, Leia thought the sisters were part tree. “Luke! Luke! Do you like my dress? I wore this one like you asked.”

Lando’s eyes went narrow for a moment before he took a deep breath. “You planned this in advance,” he said evenly.

Luke’s smile stretched, and Leia caught the sparkle of mischief in his eyes as he turned to Ill’iya. “You look perfect, bright spark,” he said warmly, hugging Ill’iya tightly. “Let’s go take a few holos. I have to get changed before I meet a few of Lando’s friends.”

“Hang on,” Lando said, tugging Luke around so he could look Luke up and down. He shook his head thoughtfully, putting his hands on Luke’s shoulders to keep him from moving away. Ill’iya was similarly looking Luke over on Luke’s other side, though her expression was decidedly more delighted than Lando’s as she beamed, taking in all the purple. Lando said, “I think you should keep it on.”

“You do,” Luke said. His smile started to creep over his features.

“Sure,” Lando replied. He raised a hand to ruffle Luke’s hair, doing a more effective job than the wind of mussing his look. Leia grinned as Luke laughed and ducked out of Lando’s hold. Lando spread his arms, his cape falling neatly over a crisp white two-piece suit. He turned slightly, raising his chin to look down his nose at Luke, presenting a sculpture of a confident and imposing business baron. “How better to reinvent the Jedi and build a respectable reputation? Go big or go home, Skywalker.”

Luke laughed again, returning to the speeder to grab a bag from the back. “Lucky I am home,” Luke said good-naturedly. “I can do both. Artoo, why don’t you go find Ranna?”

“She’s in the kitchen, Artoo,” Lando added.

As the droid released himself from the speeder with a happy whistle and trundled towards the house, Ill’iya patted his domed head then danced up to Luke, who wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Let's take those holos before I change for this meeting,” he said.

Ill’iya stuck her tongue out as she awkwardly stretched her arm up over his shoulders. Leia smiled. There was a twist in her gut as a small and petty jealousy burned to see Luke get along so easily with Ill'iya. She knew Luke had tried to reach out to Ben. But there was something in Ben which did not respond to something in Luke. _Or to almost anyone,_ Leia thought bitterly. 

A shadow crossed Luke's face, and Leia smiled the brighter to make that rotten feeling shrink the smaller. The girls had their own histories of loss and heartbreak. Leia would not let herself lose sight of that. 

“Is it a business meeting?” Ill’iya asked sourly.

“‘Fraid so, spark,” Luke said. 

“Those dinners are so boring,” Ill’iya complained.

“Tell me about it.” Luke threw a look over his shoulder before he vanished inside, winking at Leia and Lando where they still stood by the speeder. 

“Your brother,” Lando said slowly, “thinks he is very funny.”

“And yet we love him anyway,” Leia said, chuckling and linking an arm through Lando’s. “So tell me more about these moguls Luke and I are meant to impress.”

Lando squeezed Leia’s arm in his companionably and led her inside. “We have some time,” he said. “Let’s have hot chocolate and you can tell me the news from the Core. I’ll fill you and Luke in, once Luke makes himself decent.”

This last was delivered with such resigned exasperation that Leia couldn’t help but laugh, letting herself be led happily inside.

*

“That was quite a meeting, Senator,” Lando said as Leia entered her office. The Galactic Senate had just finished its first session in its second democratically selected capital. Republic City on Hosnian Prime was smaller than Hanna City had been, but its architectural presence certainly enforced the pomp of the New Republic. The doors slid shut behind her and Leia grimaced, toeing off her shoes.

“At least we have all but confirmed Ro-Kiintor’s allegiances,” she said bitterly. “Warmonger,” she added in disgust. “Can you -”

“Believe they’re still at it?” Lando interrupted. He shrugged and spread his hands wide. “I give them credit for an excellent tactic that has lasted this whole time.” Leia shot him a sharp glance and Lando sighed. “It’s dirty play, Leia, I don't know what to tell you.”

“A counter-play would be helpful,” she said, and moved to a cabinet filled with drinks. She sighed and raised a glass in question to Lando, who raised his own glass, still quite full, in response. At this point, there wasn’t much to be done for her reputation to the Senate, Leia reflected angrily. As she poured herself a particularly sharp drink, she rolled her shoulders and let her frustration go to focus on Lando. “Did you catch Han before he left?”

Lando nodded. “Briefly.” He hesitated as Leia settled into a comfortable chair across the desk from him. It was almost a relief being on this side, Leia thought. As though all the responsibility stayed on the other side. She even curled her feet under herself. Luxury. “He said he was on his way to visit Ben.”

And like that, the responsibility rushed back, settling neatly in knots across her shoulders and lower back. When Leia was a teenager, her mother would tut whenever Leia tensed. Breha Organa would set her fingers to unpicking the knots along Leia’s shoulders, and listen patiently while Leia vented her anger. Once Leia had talked herself out, Breha would offer some interesting piece of Alderaan’s history, an optimistic motion from the days of the Galactic Senate, or a fascinating note about another Core planet’s culture. Something which would divert Leia, catch her attention, lodge in her mind to unpack and understand. Some of Leia's most fond memories with her mother were the conversations which came from just such an intervention.

Breha had always seemed to have such calm certainty when dealing with her daughter, and Leia had not been an easy teenager. Though she supposed there had been more obvious problems in the galaxy then, and politics had been an easy way to distract her in the middle of a temper tantrum. She often thought of her mother when she was trying to deal with or understand Ben. Where her mother had excelled, she was failing. Leia knew Breha would have found a way with Ben... She had been so adept at dealing with so many kinds of people.

Stars, but she missed her mother. 

Leia sighed. She also missed Ben. “Ben is staying at the Jedi school with Luke permanently,” she explained to Lando, heart twisting. “Well, until he graduates, in any case.”

“Ah,” Lando said. Then his lips quirked and he tried a smile. “Han did seem to be… well, grumpy. Even for Han.”

"Han's not happy," Leia conceded. This being, perhaps, the biggest understatement she had ever spoken. She shook her head and met Lando’s gaze. His mouth twitched sympathetically; he understood. Leia continued, "I worry there's too much tension here for Ben. He has such strong threads of Vader - tumultuous emotions. A desperation for order and control. But I have learned that Anakin was arrogant and Ben… Ben is so uncertain." Leia hesitated, then steeled herself. 

"Ben is weak-minded and weak-willed," she continued quietly, voicing the source of her anxiety for the first time. An ache opened up inside which she had long fended off with fear and forced optimism. She swallowed the tremble in her voice. ”Han doesn't want to believe it. But I think Luke may be able to get through to Ben... to show him how to channel his nervous energy into something… else. I have learned a lot about the Force, but nowhere near Luke's knowledge. And with things as they are in the Senate, and with the Resistance about to move bases..." 

Leia forced down feelings of guilt and hurt… And frustration. There was only so much she could do - for Ben, for the galaxy, hell, even for herself. But still she couldn’t meet Lando’s eyes. _Sometimes you’ll make bad deals…_ She shivered, then shook her head. "But Han..."

Lando swirled his drink around, taking a moment. Then he shrugged. "The old scoundrel will come around," he said easily. "You know he's just a bit protective of his own. And," here Lando smiled, all charm, "He doesn't have the advantage of the Force to guide or comfort him."

Leia forced herself to smile in response. But somewhere alarm bells were ringing - and they hadn't stopped since Ben was born.

*

After the initial flurry of activity - the New Republic trying to understand the who and the how and the why -

After Luke was found alive, picked up by a Mon Calamari cruiser because his own ship had been damaged in the attack -

After Ben was confirmed alive, Luke having seen him leave with the group of masked attackers that he had reportedly led -

After the message for an urgent gathering of the Senate had been sent to all Galactic Senate representatives -

After carefully censored reports had been released to all New Republic member planets and news organisations -

After Leia and Han and Chewie had been told, gently but in no uncertain terms, that they would be questioned in the next day or so, as would Luke -

After all that and when there was no more to do for the night -

In the aftermath, they sat together in silence and low light.

The quarters Leia and Han shared at the Hosnian Prime capital had never felt quite so cold or unfamiliar. Leia had sat at the table first, then Han beside her, his hand folding over hers with an automatic intimacy that somehow felt hollow.

Chewie entered their quarters some time later. He was uncharacteristically quiet, and in a detached way Leia wondered whether he had gone elsewhere to release some of his feelings before coming to them. In that same detached way, she was grateful. He sat heavily beside Han, only sniffing occasionally. 

Lando arrived last. He looked haggard, settling into the space beside Leia and Chewie. Lando didn’t look at anyone. He only sat, and stared at the table. 

Leia had neither heard nor felt anything from Luke after the initial tidal wave of horror and grief had buckled her knees. His missing presence from the Force was an extra current of pain in an existing tumult that Leia found was too much to parse. So she had set aside her worries about Luke, focussing instead on her terror for, her agony about Ben… And, her fury at Snoke. 

But at Lando’s expression, the hunch of his shoulders and the curl of his fists, her worries about Luke surfaced once more.

Something must have shown on her face, because Han’s hand tightened on hers and Leia met his gaze. She had long thought she knew all there was to know about Han Solo. From the weft and wane of his emotions, to the minute play of them across the lines and creases of his face. This expression reached new depths, and Leia quailed at it. She swallowed hard, and for the first time in over a decade, she could not hold his gaze.

So they all sat, wordless in their grief and their fear, and waited for Luke to arrive.

*

Seven days passed on Hosnian Prime before Leia was able to get away. The trip took another four days, so by the time she reached Lando, Luke had been gone eleven days, seventeen hours and twenty minutes.

Or so Ranna had informed her, as she waited for Lando in their main room. Leia thought it was longer than that: the eleven days, seventeen hours and twenty minutes only indicated the time Luke chose to tell them he was gone. By way of pre-recorded holo, sent at the same time to her, Lando, Han, and a handful of others. She strongly suspected that Luke actually disappeared sixteen days ago.

Sixteen days ago, Leia was with Han and Chewie on the Falcon on an apparent diplomatic mission. In actuality, the New Republic did not officially request either Leia or Han for missions any longer, and the Resistance knew better than to expect anything from them. Not on that particular day, one year after Ben... After _Kylo Ren_ as he now called himself, had committed the atrocities at Luke's school.

Leia should have asked Luke to join them on the Falcon. But she had thought... Well, she had thought many things. It didn't matter now.

"It's strange," Ranna was saying. She was dressed in muted colours, and Leia wasn’t sure if it was Luke’s absence or the clothes which made her appear so drained. Her thick frizzy hair was pulled into a loose bun on top of her head, unlike the natural blowout she preferred. She glanced up at Leia, then looked back down, peering with such intensity at the data pad in front of her, her nose almost touching the screen as she studied the map and notes displayed. Leia's heart caught. "Luke said twenty days ago that he would come here, but instead he sent that holo, and his ship disappeared around this quadrant, at zero-six-point-four. It’s light years away from us here."

"Luke is a talented flyer," Lando said gently, coming up behind Ranna at the table and resting a hand on her back. Leia had been so absorbed that she hadn't heard Lando come in the room. She had been watching Ranna try to figure out where Luke had gone, marvelling at how Ranna had organised the classified intel, and was now so astutely parsing the information of his journey. Ranna was only thirteen, the second youngest of her sisters. Something resonated hotly in Leia with how determined Ranna was to get him back. “And you know how good Luke is with tech," Lando continued quietly. "He said he doesn't want us looking for him, Ranna. And so he'll make sure we can't."

Ranna frowned, her lips pursing as she dragged her eyes from her data pad, neck twisting as she looked up at Lando. "But he didn't say bye to us," she said obstinately.

"That's what his message was for. To say bye."

But she shook her head, her frown deepening. "What about Yays's birthday?"

"I think he's going to miss it."

Leia's heart clenched watching as Ranna's frown turned into a grimace, her eyes suddenly wet. "I can find him, though."

Lando cleared his throat, and Leia looked up to see his eyes also overbright. He crouched beside Ranna's chair so he was eye level with her. "I'm sure you could, Rannabanna, given enough time. But..." Lando paused and cleared his throat again. When he continued, his voice was rougher, "But Luke doesn't want to be found."

"But - "

"Ranna. Luke loves you and your sisters. Very much,” Lando interrupted firmly. “He left because he can't be with us. Or with anyone else. For now."

Ranna's eyes slid to Leia, and Leia's hands clenched compulsively. She mentally prepared herself for what she knew was to come.

But instead of recriminations about Ben, Ranna looked back to Lando. She sniffed loudly and wiped aggressively at her nose. Then she threw her arms around Lando, pulling away quickly before Lando could hug her back. She stood, shoulders hunched, but expression determined.

"I'm going to find Sprin," she said as she picked up her things.

Lando stood and handed her a stray screenwipe. "I think I saw her in the garden."

Ranna nodded, then left the room without another word. After she had gone, Lando sat gingerly in her vacated seat, his own shoulders hunched and his elbow landing heavy on the table beside him as he scrubbed a hand down his face.

Leia didn't say anything. But when his hand dropped listlessly to hang off the side of the table, Leia reached over, and took it.

*

The doors to Leia’s office slid open and Threepio said quietly, “Princess.” 

It was late. The rest of the suite behind Threepio was dark. Leia should have been in bed some time ago. She was back on Hosnian Prime, presently hunched over a data pad streaming information from her intelligence team. She was there against her better judgement, trying to salvage her relationship with Boc’seca, whom she was confident would align with the Resistance given enough time. If this could be done almost anywhere else, Leia would prefer it, but as it was… 

“Prin - General, I am sorry for interrupting you,” Threepio tried again. Leia rubbed her eyes, and sat back, looking up at him.

“That’s all right, Threepio,” she said on a sigh. “I should finish here. What is it?”

“General, Miss Sang Dara is here to see you,” he said. Leia blinked in surprise. “General Calrissian’s daughter says she is interested in joining the Resistance.”

From the shadows, Sang came up behind Threepio and offered a wry grin at Leia over his shoulder. “Actually what I said was, I _will_ be joining the Resistance. And, I want to speak with Leia.”

Leia saw Sang’s lips tremble before she shifted her weight, cocking a hip and slipping her hands into her jacket pockets, an attempt to appear casual and confident. The second eldest Dara sister, Sang was also the shortest, though that still put her half a head taller than Leia and easily of a height with Threepio. Sang’s inky black hair was pulled back into a high ponytail which fell in a long single spiral down her back, the dusty brown of her jacket a match to the utilitarian green of her pants. The colours echoed the Resistance uniform, and Leia was in little doubt that this was done intentionally. She looked sharp, composed. 

The second tremble of her lips gave her nervousness away. This may have been the first time Leia had ever seen Sang uneasy. She hid it exceedingly well. If the military didn’t work for her, she could be a politician. Leia ignored the slightly sick quiver in her gut at the thought of being so calculating about one of Lando’s daughters.

Instead, Leia held Sang’s eyes for a moment, measuring. Then she nodded. Threepio moved aside, and Sang walked into the room.

*

Three quarters of the way through the bottle of Hosnian Green and everything had taken on a soft glow. Leia felt not quite so empty as she had before. Her limbs were heavy, warm and dozy, so she turned to Lando.

"Han told you.” It wasn't a question. And for now, it didn't feel like it could hurt her. She had known the moment the message came that Lando was requesting landing permission. But when she finally met up with him two hours later, they hugged, he pointed to the bottle of Hosnian Green, and they started drinking.

"Han told me," Lando confirmed, then took another gulp of Green. He sighed. "Chewie too, huh?"

"Chewie too," Leia agreed. She closed her eyes and focused on the way the alcohol sloshed comfortingly in her belly, the warm weight of her arms and legs. She ignored her heart, and the immutable fact that her husband and one of her best friends had left. Her brother, and her son before that.

"What a pair we make," Lando said wistfully, then chuckled. "Maybe the Force has answers."

Leia smiled, opened her eyes and lifted her hand. "It can definitely do one thing for us now," she said. Correspondingly the bottle lifted, messily pouring more into Lando's glass before hovering to refill her own. "Hmm," she said thoughtfully. "Not as tidy as usual."

"The ol' Green'll do that to you," Lando said. He drank quietly for a few moments. Then he stood abruptly. Leia was impressed: he only swayed ever so slightly. "Now, General Princess," he said, dramatically putting a hand to his chest, his voice a boom to fill the room. "Now, we dance."

"I haven't danced in -"

"Which is exactly why we're gunna do it," Lando said, bending at the waist to look her in the eye, a smile crooking his mouth. He gestured to a tall plant in the corner of the room, a gift from the Kumean representative some time ago. At night, it gave off a faint yellow glow. Waving his hand impatiently, Lando said, "Threepio, maestro, please."

Leia started laughing, an uncontrollable bubble of alcohol and hysteria. "You sent Threepio away two hours ago."

"Did I? That was a good idea of me." He grinned in what Leia suspected was a distinctly self-congratulatory fashion. Then Lando squinted, bent again at the waist to examine the tree. “Leia,” he said in slurred awe. “That tree is glowing.”

“That tree always glows!”

Lando shook his head, then stood up again. "But that means I must find music for us," he declared.

Leia watched, hiccuping around her laughter, as Lando stumbled around the room. Peering here and there and enacting the most ineffectual search Leia had ever witnessed.

"Do you even know what you're doing?"

"Not at all," Lando admitted grandly. "What does a music player look like on this planet?"

"I'll do it," she said, clearing her throat in a bid to sober herself. Then she stood, squared her shoulders and tugged her shirt straight. "Music. On."

A low horn sounded, slow and swooping as a set of strings joined it. Lando, who had been looking startled, instead turned a frown on her. " _Dancing_ music, Leia," he whined and Leia started laughing anew.

"You sound like Ill'iya."

Lando looked affronted. "Ill'iya would never whine like that." Then he tilted his head. "She would whine more like _thiiii_ -iiiii- _iiiis_." Lando even scrunched his nose in a perfect imitation of his youngest, wiggling his hips as Leia had seen Ill'iya do in frustration on more than one occasion.

It was too much for Leia, who collapsed in a fit of giggles into the closest chair, just managing to choke out a change in musical styles.

Leia laughed loudly and Lando danced badly. And for tonight, Han and Chewie and Luke and Ben were not missed, the First Order could screw a bantha, and the New Republic could look after its own damn self.

*

Shortly after the night with Lando and the Green, Leia withdrew as well.

She abandoned her suite on Hosnian Prime and moved into more utilitarian quarters at the Resistance base. The walls of her new rooms were grey. She slept on a single cot. She had an adjoining bathroom and office. 

A lone piece of art adorned the walls: an Alderaanian landscape holopainting. Leia looked at it every day. When she looked, she used that time, and she remembered everything.

Leia pulled away entirely from the Galactic Senate. She said it was because she felt she did their cause more harm than good by remaining, and this was true. But it also meant she could avoid beings who had known her Before. Or who had known Han, Chewie, Luke... Ben.

Members of the Resistance had known them, of course. But members of the Resistance felt their loss as she did. Not as deeply, but they understood.

She interacted primarily with other Resistance members. With her fellow generals, or with commanders and squadron leaders. The members of the Resistance intelligence network, and her own small group of spies.

She knew that somewhere, Han and Chewie sometimes smuggled for the Resistance. Supplies, information, even beings on more than one occasion. But this happened out of Leia’s sight, and she ensured it remained that way.

Lando tried to get in touch. Leia allowed written correspondence for personal things, and directed Lando to other Resistance members for Resistance-related things. This pattern repeated for all friendships and relationships outside of those ensconced within the Resistance itself.

When Sang was promoted to Captain, Leia was there to lead the ceremony. She hugged Sang and gave a toast. She retreated again.

She disappeared down a wormhole. She moved from one mission, from one piece of intelligence, from one minor victory onto the next. She coordinated hit-and-run attacks, she set her mind to strategy and tactics, she ensured the Resistance had what it needed to run smoothly, she recruited new members. She orchestrated the Resistance to chip away at the First Order, and collect data to sway the New Republic. She prepared for the day she would meet Snoke once more.

She stayed busy. She slept well. She allowed herself only to feel compassion, peace, and anger. Righteous, carefully aimed anger. 

A great deal of anger.

Years passed.

She survived.

She was fine. Things were fine.

*

There was a delivery to Leia’s office. There were two messages, one with a very basic, “Leia. As discussed. Lando” The other, for Leia’s eyes only. It was in an old cypher code that only Rebellion Generals had known. Leia was a little rusty, so it took longer to decipher than she felt was reasonable, even given the intervening years.

Finally she read it once through. Then she stood and left the room. The package remained untouched beside her desk.

The message read:

_Leia,_

_It’s been too long._

_I asked Ranna to built and code this. She doesn’t know that it’s for you. This droid has no uplink capabilities, no connections to any network external to its own drives. When it needs an update, Ranna will create an isolated drive which I’ll then send on to you. Once activated, its security is limited to the first person to speak to and touch it. That person alone. The only way to power it is with batteries charged from a socket. I will not tell you how I managed to find socket-charged batteries. The seller actually laughed - at me! For that, I negotiated them down to a fee likely half what they’re actually worth. The wastoid._

_The point is, there is no way for any being to retrieve any information from this droid._

_This droid is programmed with as many counselling theories and practices as there are planets in the New Republic. And then some. It also has the most complex A.I. Ranna can programme - which we both know is the best in the galaxy. It will respond to you, utilising whatever theory or practice you choose._

_I won’t ever ask if you use it. But Leia, I’ve had counselling, as have all five of my girls. Once you find the one that works for you, it’s an invaluable resource. It only adds to your personal arsenal, making your life strategies all the more robust._

_Are these pseudo-military analogies working? I know you’re probably offended by the idea and I’m trying to make this all palatable for you without being an ass. It’s so rare I worry about that. I suspect I’m bad at it._

_Leia, bad things have happened to you, things you don’t deserve. They will haunt you. They probably already do. Be gentle with yourself, Leia. Give this - or something similar - a shot._

_With all my love, and as always my respect,  
Lando_

 

Three days later, Leia opened the package. The droid reminded her a little of C3-PO, which she assumed must have been intentional on Lando’s part. This droid’s features were a little more humanoid, a little less metallic somehow, for all it was constructed of that standard droid metal.

She asked her assistant to dispose of the packaging materials. She left the droid in the corner.

It was another few weeks after that, after Leia had had a particularly middling day, preceded by a particularly middling week. The First Order were unusually quiet. The New Republic senate was in recess. It was a calm. A calm almost inevitably before a storm.

But still. It was a calm.

Leia sat at her desk. She submitted a report. She locked the doors to her office. And without thinking too hard about it, she turned to the droid still sat in the corner, and she activated it.

*

Leia left C3-PO and her rather intimidated pilot with the speeder and walked slowly towards the small building. All around her, the plains of Shilli stretched, covered in a long grass that came up just above Leia’s waist. It was harvested as a grain for the surrounding planets. It swayed and shushed to a breeze Leia couldn’t see, but rather felt through the Force. She shivered. 

The building in front of her was small and from this angle it appeared to be one room. But it seemed… cozy. Welcoming. Inexplicably, it felt a bit like home. The building was a coppery orange colour, simple and made of a smooth material that seemed like stone. Leia was almost at the door when it opened and an elderly Torguta woman appeared.

Leia paused, and the woman’s smile was a mix of things Leia couldn’t read: a mess of emotions as equally fresh as they were decades old. But then Ahsoka raised a hand and beckoned Leia over. “Come on, Leia,” she said, and a stirring of recollection slipped down Leia’s spine. “You’ve kept me waiting.”

Leia raised a brow, but something about it felt like a joke half remembered and she found herself smiling. “Yes, ma’am,” she responded wryly. Ahsoka let out a crack of laughter and turned, disappearing back inside. Leia took a deep breath and followed.

“I don’t have any of that hot chocolate you’re fond of,” Ahsoka said as Leia entered. “No, leave it open,” she added when Leia went to close the door. “The place could use a breeze.”

“Sure. And - I’m all right, but thank you for thinking of the hot chocolate,” Leia said. “How did you know about that, by the way?”

“Bail always gave me hot chocolate when I visited.”

“ _Fulcrum_ ,” Leia breathed, and the woman’s familiarity suddenly made sense. As a girl Leia had loved when Fulcrum visited: she _had_ felt like home. “I knew there was something familiar about you. You were my father’s favourite operative.”

“And a good friend, I hope,” Ahsoka said wryly, glancing over her shoulder as she poured herself some steaming drink. “I knew your father since… Well, stars, it must be since I had just joined the Jedi Academy. Sit, please.”

Leia glanced around, deciding on a flat pillow. She had been only half correct in her previous assessment: the building had two rooms. This main one, and a small bathroom off to the back. Looking around, there was no obvious indication that the woman living here was once one of the last Jedi in the Galaxy, a veteran not only of the Rebellion, but also of the Clone Wars that led to the Empire.

Instead, it was a fairly earthy space. The walls were the same stone outside, though they had been dyed in some kind of brown wash. Leia altered her assessment the closer she looked at the decorations on the walls. If one knew what to look for, one might suspect this old woman was not as she first appeared. The art was taken from across the Galaxy: literally. Leia spied a painting from Coruscant in a frame from Takodana. There was a bridge carving Leia was certain had come from Cato Neimoidia before it fell to the Empire. Woven items hung in the kitchen area, and she thought she identified four different planetary styles amongst them.

As Ahsoka settled across from Leia on another pillow, Leia glanced at the rug between them and her breath caught. “Is this from -“

“Bail gave it to me,” Ahsoka affirmed, getting comfortable. “I suspect Breha actually selected it. Leia, your father was skilled in many things but gift giving…” Ahsoka shook her head as she blew on her tea. Leia grinned slightly. “Do you know,” Ahsoka asked, cocking her head to meet Leia’s eyes. “He once gave me a chrono? This was in the beginning of the Rebellion. He said, in all seriousness, ‘Missions may depend on your timeliness.’”

Leia couldn’t help her laugh. “My father had an interesting perspective on pretty much everything.”

“You can say that again,” Ahsoka agreed. She stretched her hand and combed her fingers through the rug’s fringe. “This was beautiful though. He presented it to me completely out of the blue.”

“It is beautiful,” Leia said quietly. Alderaan had prized its weavers. The silk from the mountain ranges tended to be particularly hardy, if not as soft as some of its other world equivalents. It held colour better as well. This carpet was exquisite, a hypnotic design of undulating blues, greens and purples. One could be lost in its pattern.

“He had been so serious,” Ahsoka continued, “When he gave it to me. A spontaneous gift, and yet you would have thought the fate of the Galaxy rested in this carpet.”

“Very solemn,” Leia agreed, her smile resonated and eased with an ache in her belly. “And then the next moment, laughing.”

“Yes,” Ahsoka agreed, pulling her hand back from the carpet’s fringe. “I always loved when Bail laughed. The sound was as good as a hug.” Leia swallowed heavily and then nodded. “It was.”

“I remember the day he introduced me to Breha,” Ahsoka said thoughtfully. Leia’s parents had been gone for more than twenty years, and yet still she felt herself holding her breath and leaning towards Ahsoka. “They had been together for some time, yet to look at Bail, you would think they had only started their relationship recently. The laughter in his voice, the joy that came through the Force… He got tongue-tied.”

“He didn’t!” Leia couldn’t stop her laugh. It was loud, and startled her a little. She was no longer used to the sound.

Ahsoka nodded. “Bail introduced your mother as, ‘Queye Heen of Aldoorin.’” Leia laughed again. “He didn’t even notice the mistake at first, until Obi Wan cleared his throat and bowed over Breha’s hand. I remember Obi Wan’s tone exactly.” Ahsoka impersonated him then: accent exact, voice wry and fond. “ _High Queen Breha of Alderaan, I presume._ ” Ahsoka took a sip of her tea. “Breha was always so quick and so calm. I envied that calmness in your mother. She smiled at Obi Wan and said, ‘You are welcome to use the informal, if you wish.’ The colour of Bail’s ears, Leia. I have only seen such red matched in ripe tomatoes.”

Leia’s laughter filled the room, and Ahsoka’s low chuckle joined it. It had been a very long time since she had been able to think extendedly about her parents. And longer still since the reflections were warm. This moment was precious.

And sadly, brief.

“But you did not come here to speak with me about Bail and Breha,” Ahsoka said as they quietened, holding her cup between her palms. Ahsoka wasn’t too much older than Leia, she realised suddenly. Maybe fifteen years her senior. Ahsoka’s montrals and headtails were patterned a beautiful navy and white. The orange of her skin the tone of burnt umber, contrasting with the bright blue of her eyes. She was lovely. “You want to know about Anakin.”

Leia licked her lips. “Not only Anakin,” she said, and that was mostly true. She had questions about Padme, and about the Old Republic. Truthfully, the temptation was high to speak further about Bail and Breha with someone who had known them well. But really… “My son,” she started, then cleared her throat as the words got stuck. “My son, Ben. I don’t know if you -“

“I know what Kylo Ren has done,” Ahsoka said, gentle and grave. “And I know why he thinks he did it.”

“He idolises Vader,” Leia said, in sudden unexpected agony. “And he… I want to understand. Understand how - Ben was sweet. He was always a little misguided. Kind of… Weak-willed. But sweet. To do what he has done…”

Ahsoka watched Leia with sad eyes, waiting for her to gather herself. And Leia felt the slip of embarrassment curl in her gut. She was not one to lose her words or her composure no matter the situation. She usually only grew sharper, the narrow point of a clever weapon.

“You are no weapon, Leia,” Ahsoka said into the quiet, and Leia shivered. “You are a woman. And you have faced more than any being ought ever face.” 

Leia met Ahsoka’s look, and at her raised brow, nodded slightly. Ahsoka, picking up on Leia’s unasked question, continued, “Anakin was never someone I would call sweet. He was… prickly. He cared so deeply for his friends and his family that it sometimes hurt to be near him in moments of peak emotion. The feelings radiated off of him in waves,” Ahsoka explained, to Leia’s confused look. “I thought I was getting better at dealing with them, but maybe I only stopped noticing… I’m certain Obi-wan had got to that point, when Anakin’s feelings were just a backdrop.”

Leia frowned. That wasn’t like Ben. If anything, Ben almost constantly seemed to ache, but never necessarily to care. Ahsoka took a deep breath. “I can almost see how Snoke would paint Anakin’s story to Ben. It would be easy. I assume Ben knew something of it. Snoke would tell him, Vader was not strong enough. He allowed his emotions to survive, and in emotion, there is turmoil. In turmoil, there is no order.”

A bird fluttered into one of the open windows then, and Ahsoka watched it for a moment. It was a small and round thing, white and light green. She smiled faintly, and Leia shifted impatiently. “The lie of the Dark Side is not only power,” Ahsoka said, turning back to meet Leia’s eyes. “But you know this.”

Leia licked her lips. “No, I - “

“Leia,” Ahsoka interrupted evenly. “You would not be here if you were not ready for truth.”

She was right, of course. Leia was too old and too hurt to hide from truth. The time had come. And if not with this woman, this bulwark before her, then with who?

“Yes, I know,” Leia said quietly. “I have heard the call. When Han left, and I was alone, and the danger whispered to me. It said I could rejoin my son, and help him in his cause. I would establish…” Leia trailed off, feeling sick. But Ahsoka only tilted her head slightly, waiting. Accepting. “That we could bring order.” On her tongue, the word tasted of ash, and shackles, and blood. “Order to the galaxy.”

Ahsoka closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them again, some illusion to Leia’s eyes seemed to show her as an old woman and a young girl, existing as one. “Anakin always believed that if only the beings of the galaxy would follow the rules, there would be less war. He believed that order was the way to peace. Of course _he_ never followed the rules, but that was not to be considered.” And to Leia’s astonishment, Ahsoka shrugged. “Life is chaos. Not exclusively, of course. Too much chaos is as harmful as too much order. The one will create the other.”

“Is there hope for Ben?” Leia whispered.

Ahsoka held her gaze steady before shrugging again. “My answer doesn’t matter, Leia,” she said slowly. “The future is not a set thing. And I know well what it is like to believe in the good in someone you love.” There was a quelling aspect to Ahsoka’s tone, and Leia’s jaw set. She straightened her spine automatically, squaring her shoulders. Arguments rose pipinh hot on her tongue. 

As she opened her mouth, Ahsoka laughed in delight and Leia stopped in shock. Ahsoka shook her head, having the decency to look chagrined. “I shouldn’t laugh, I’m sorry. But that impulse you’re feeling, that is very familiar to me, even after all these years.”

Deflating like a puffer pig after a scare, Leia breathed out heavily. Ahsoka shook her head again. “I don’t mean to upset you, Leia. Anakin was a good man… You are your own woman. Solid, in a way he could only have wished to be. Can I make a suggestion?”

Leia smiled wryly. “Please. You do not strike me as a woman who asks permission.”

Again, the delighted laugh. This time it seemed to wrap Leia in warmth and comfort. Despite the lingering prickle in her gut, Leia closed her eyes and accepted it. “You’re right, of course,” Ahsoka said. Leia opened her eyes to meet Ahsoka’s gaze, shining brightly. “My suggestion is this: Stop isolating yourself.” She held up a hand when Leia went to protest. “Please, Leia. You’ve travelled twenty days to find me when you couldn’t even be sure I would be here. And I’ve been paying attention to you. You have been keeping your friends away from you. I understand why. I have done the same. But enough now, Leia. It’s time to let your loved ones back in.”

Before Leia could respond, Ahsoka relaxed back, lounging against the wall. “Now, if you want to leave, I won’t begrudge you. But, General,” and here, Ahsoka offered a small smile, which Leia felt herself mirroring. “You could also stay. And we could relax. As friends.”

Leia breathed out a smile and nodded. “I would like that.”

Some time later, when the sun was much lower in the sky and the breeze had turned into a gust, Leia walked back towards the speeder where Threepio waited anxiously and her pilot stood rigid. Leia did not turn to look back at Ahsoka’s home. But she could sense, as she got into the speeder, a shift behind her. Something which had been there was now gone. A small, round bird flew by overhead.

Leia turned her face to the sun, low on the horizon. “Let’s go.”

*

Leia had never attended a Dandoranian wedding before, but she certainly hoped to have occasion to attend another. The ceremony was brief and done without an exchange of words. The two women stood facing one another beneath an arch of cultivated flowers and vines, on a raised plinth in the middle of a large water pool. Flowers and lights floated, passing gently around them.

Jessika Pava was proud in her dress uniform. The uniform wasn’t something which strictly existed in the Resistance, but Blue Squadron was as tight knit as they came. As soon as the engagement was announced, her squadron mates had made quick work of designing something for her to wear with the approval of Leia and the other Resistance Army Generals. The Resistance browns were deeper, more bay in tone, the cut more crisp and with trimmings of bright white. Jessika’s dark brown hair was tied with a braid into a tidy knot at the top of her neck. Her astromech droid was beside her, draped artfully in a delicate net laced with flowers and tiny twinkling lights. Across from them stood Sang Dara, also in a dress uniform, her hair pulled back into a sleek knot.

But, Leia thought, it was Yays who drew all eyes.

Standing across from her, Sang’s eldest sister, Yays Dara was resplendent in a gently shimmering dress in a traditional design from her mother’s home world. The fabric was turquoise, accenting perfectly the rose tint of her umber skin, the fall of the dress its own waterfall. It responded to her slightest movement, highlights of gold and silver trembling. Her braided hair was pulled into a thicker plait which fell over her shoulder, ribbons twined to match her dress, with a strand of twinkling lights woven throughout, identical to the lights on Pava’s droid. 

At some cue Leia did not recognise, Yays and Jessika smiled and reached for one another. Their right hands clasped, left hands lifting to hold the other’s shoulder. Then they stood still, watching one another. After a period of time when Yays had described to Leia that they were to count one hundred of their betrothed’s breaths, they touched their foreheads together.

At this, Jessika’s droid let out a binary trill, opening a compartment in its dome where a long dark grey chain was nestled. Sang stepped forward, retrieved the chain and with deliberation, draped it over their heads so it fell around both their necks.

Once she had retreated, the two women raised their heads so their noses touched, and then lifted their clasped hands on a level with the chain. They released their hold on one another to each pinch a side of the chain which snapped at their touch. Together they then stood, and connected each side of their own chains together. Some charge in the chain bonded it as though never broken. 

Once done, they clasped hands once again, and turned together to face, in order, each side of the congregated. 

When they returned to their original places, Leia was carried to her feet as a wave of love from the assembled surged through the Force, many moving to stand and clap and stomp and cheer. Jessika’s droid danced on its wheels, Sang whooped loudly beside them. The noise from friends, families, comrades grew only louder when Yays wrapped a hand around the back of Jessika’s neck, pulling her in for a long and triumphant kiss. 

Later, Leia eased herself between two columns, looking around herself with interest. While she did make some effort to get outside and away from maps and documents and intense discussions, it had been some time since she had spent a significant period away from grey walls. 

The assembled had been told that the building they were in had been a temple hundreds of years earlier. To the Dandoranian ancestors, the abundant water of the planet was their prime goddess, the lush vegetation of the planet was her favourite lover, giving life and beauty to the world. This was long before the Hutts had taken over the system, when the co-existing species shared a philosophy which was predominantly peaceful, focussing on innovation and art. Humanoids were not the only beings on this planet - they shared it with lizard-like sentients who spent most of their time in the water climes of the planet. Once freed from the Hutts and after joining the New Republic, the Dandoranians set about rebuilding and reclaiming their world: culture, history, and structures. This temple was a recent success.

The polished cream stone was elaborately carved into arches and pillars which stretched almost higher than Leia could see. A series of holoprojectors were set to send sparkling nebulas across the open expanse. The main room itself was filled with water features: delicately constructed fountains set into the columns poured into pools with floating flowers and lights, flowing channels passed between seated aisles, and the night sounds of a Dandoranian forest filtered through the space, the pillars opening out onto it. The centre of the temple hosted the raised plinth where Penyeya and Jessika had been wed. 

Leia leaned against one of the columns. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She let the emotions in the room surround and fill her, breathing in the joy and the scent of vegetation. It was all so lush and alive.

"Does it take a wedding to get you off-base these days?" Lando asked, sidling up beside her. Leia opened her eyes, turning her head to look at him. She smiled a little, bittersweet. “I only ask,” he continued, “because it’s been a while, Leia.”

“Is there a better reason?” Leia asked, gesturing around the temple. 

Lando shrugged. “Diplomatic sidestepping,” he pointed out gently.

Leia chuckled. “True,” she conceded. Then twitched an eyebrow. “Honest, though.”

“Maybe,” Lando said. They stopped for a moment to watch as Yays’s four sisters cornered her, then guided her to an open space to spin from sister to sister in a dance where they laughed with one another. Sang and Ill’iya were the best at dancing, Sprin and Ranna looked happy if incredibly reluctant, with Yays virtually floating from sister to sister. Her overflowing joy was easy to see, Leia thought, whether one was Force sensitive or not. It would be enough to sustain the whole celebration singlehandedly.

The youngest Dara, Ill’iya vanished into the crowd, and came back a moment later with Jessika in tow. By Jessika’s knowing smirk, she was more than used to Ill’iya taking her by hand and leading her around. When she was swung into Yays’s laughing arms, Jessika moved easily to wrap her hands around her wife’s waist, to dance in the circle of the Dara sisters’ timed clapping.

The crowd grew around them until Leia couldn’t see through the beings any longer. “I do miss you and the girls,” Leia admitted after a slow breath. 

“We miss you,” Lando replied easily. 

“Maybe it’s time,” she started. Then paused to swallow heavily. “I’ve already been making some changes.”

Lando was quiet beside her. He slid a glance to her from the corner of his eyes, a frown creasing his brow. Leia knew that look, recognised him trying to measure her up. She tried to let herself feel open, tried to let that reflect on her face, in her stance. She _wanted_ to be open, to let her loved ones back in. Lando looked away and took a deep breath. Then he nodded as though to himself and said quietly, “You have family besides those who have left.”

And like that, the sadness she had thought she had dealt with bubbled up to sit in a painful lump in her throat, in a nauseous swirl in her stomach. She breathed through the pain as Lando stood quietly beside her, radiating nothing but support and affection. Around her, love still moved through the Force. 

It was a lot, and Leia felt it all. 

She forced herself to breathe slow and steady, to not let the tumult turn to fury. But despite her best efforts, a low roar seemed to fill her ears. A rage at everything in her life, at so much in the galaxy. That it had taken a war for these two beings to find love. At all that had been ripped from Leia, first by the Empire and then the First Order. That the Dandoranians had spent the last twenty-five years rebuilding, with surely one hundred more still ahead. At teenage boys with lightsabers striking down children on the whim of one so cruel and evil. At bendable minds and weak wills. 

At herself, and at Han. For failing.

Leia breathed, and she fought to contain her feelings. Her hands fisted and she eased her anger back, reigning it into the safe space she had for it within herself. 

With an effort, she focussed on the mood of the room, she let it fill her, and sustain her, and refused to be damaged by it. After a time, Lando closed the space between them, sending an arm across her back to rest his hand at her waist. Leia leaned into his side.

“I’ll visit next month,” she said quietly.

“You do that,” Lando said, his tone making her words an oath rather than a suggestion.

*

Lando whistled low, shaking his head with a half smile as he descended the ramp. Leia offered a half smile of her own and lifted a shoulder in a shrug. "General Organa," Lando said, arms wide and Leia stepped into the embrace gratefully. Pulling away, Lando said, "My, my. This is quite the operation."

"We've learned from the years in the Rebellion," she said, turning out of his embrace holding her arm forward in invitation. 

They walked in companionable silence, Lando looking around himself with interest. The planet resembled Endor. Leia hadn't chosen it specifically for that reason, but she wouldn't deny that it affected the veterans on her team as much as the new recruits. The former, Leia included, found it a grim reminder, a challenge to do better than last time. The latter group seemed to find it bolstering, an invitation to live up to legend. Leia sighed. She never did trust a legend.

"My scans indicated several thousand beings here," Lando said, peering into an open barracks room. The room was empty, the bed left unmade with clothes and personal effects scattered around. Leia made a mental note to speak with Sniiiksna. It was their species' preference to live in a state of chaos, the dominant philosophy suggesting it built mental resilience and honed skills of observation and memory. However, leaving one's own space a mess was one thing - leaving it unlocked and open to all and sundry was another.

Lando angled a thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the room. "Let me guess, Rakuan?"

Leia nodded and shut the door. "Many members of the Rakuan have joined our ranks," she said, leading him further inside. "Rakuan’s historians work closely with their politicians and military leaders. Lucky for us, their historians have no love lost for the days of the Empire."

"Do many?"

"You'd be surprised how far high credit payments go," Leia said sourly. Then tilted her head and said, "No, you wouldn't," at the same time Lando said "No I wouldn't." Their eyes met, and they cackled like children.

On impulse, Leia hugged Lando again. "It's good to see you, Lando."

"And you, Leia."

Leia allowed this moment to breathe - familiar, calm, warm. Even amongst the uncertainty of all that laid ahead of them, she felt at peace for a moment.

"There's someone I want you to meet," she said, once again leading Lando down the corridor. They were starting to reach the busier parts of the base - beings and droids hustled past constantly. The occasional veteran nodded a greeting to Lando, a few rookies took subtle second looks and one tripped over their own feet when they recognised him. But for the most part, they were absorbed in their own missions.

"Yeah?" Lando asked, stepping out of the way of an Ewok moving past them in a distracted trot. "What kind of trouble does this someone get into?"

Leia smirked at that. "The kind you like."

Lando speared her with a stern look. "I steer well clear of trouble, General. You'll find my records are clean."

"Yes," Leia agreed thoughtfully, keying the code into the hangar bay doors. "In fact, some events I was present for seem mysteriously absent from your records. Things that aren't even particularly troublesome."

Lando grinned innocently. “Well. I know how far credits - and reputations - can go."

"Uh-huh."

But Lando was distracted then, the low whistle slipping through his lips again. "This is quite a fleet, General."

"The Senate isn't _entirely_ against us. Some in the New Republic share our concerns, and have their own financial pull. In any case..."

Leia glanced around the docking bay as Lando looked around more slowly. Having just returned from a mission and still dressed in his pilot’s uniform, Poe Dameron now stood by his X-Wing, faithful BB unit hovering by his legs as always. Two members of his squadron stood with him, chatting. Karé Kun, if Leia correctly recognised the woman’s blonde cut. And Yays’s wife Jessika, newly promoted member of Dameron’s Black Squadron. Kun said something which set Jessika off laughing, and Leia watched as Poe glanced down at his droid, cocking an eyebrow with a grin. The droid rolled back, then hustled to nudge Poe’s legs. He laughed, as did the members of his squadron, and Leia found herself smiling.

"Let's make this casual," she decided, nodding when she met Poe's glance as he looked back up from BB-8. Despite Jessika’s recent promotion, Leia suspected Lando was unaware of it and of who her new commander was: Yays and Jessika had long ago made a policy of only discussing Resistance news face to face. Lando had not seen them in person recently. 

Poe excused himself from his conversation with Kun and Jessika, only to get distracted as BB-8 chirped some question before Poe shrugged his response. As Poe started towards them, the droid rolled cheerfully behind. Lando followed Leia’s look, frowning slightly. "Don't worry, Lando. Commander Dameron is just your kind of flyboy."

"Dameron?" Lando, who had spotted Jessika and was sharing a wave and smile with his daughter-in-law, looked back to Leia in surprise. "As in -“

"Shara and Kes's son? Yes." Leia turned to greet Poe as he reached them. "Commander Dameron, I'd like you to meet Lando Calrissian."

Poe's eyes widened. Leia held back a smile; it was almost the same look he'd given her when they had first met. Leia wondered how Lando felt about those looks. The way people’s eyes widened, their spines straightened. Some blushed, others had fur which bristled or antennae which twitched. Poe was easier than some: less awestruck, more… compassionate. Though obviously moved, he didn’t let it change how he behaved.

"General Calrissian," Poe said with no small amount of awe in his voice, extending his hand. "It is good to meet you, sir."

Lando met his grip firmly. "And you, Dameron. I knew your mother, she was one hell of a pilot. And your father's support on Endor - well, no doubt Leia has already commented on that."

"Yes, sir." Poe nodded, serious again. "And I have heard much about you."

"Drop the sirs, Dameron," Lando said pleasantly with a wave of his hand. "No need for it."

"As you say, General," Poe said, mischief in his tone. He even glanced at Leia and the corner of his mouth twitched.

 _Flyboys_.

"True to form, Lando," Leia commented, half rolling her eyes. Poe's smile turned true. "I've asked Commander Dameron to call me anything but General or Ma'am, and yet here we are."

Poe nodded, with false gravity. "Here we are, General.”

Leia did chuckle then, and felt warmed by the matching smiles of Lando and Poe. “I can see what you mean, Your Highness,” Lando said casually. He ignored Leia’s eye roll, instead eyeing Poe appraisingly, though the corner of his mouth did twitch at her huff. “How is your flying, Commander?”

“If it can take off, I can fly it.”

Lando nodded approvingly. “Good answer.”

“Commander Dameron is the best pilot in the fleet,” Leia added. “And one of my most trusted commanders, which is why I wanted you to meet. It will be worthwhile for you to have Lando on your radar, Poe. As you're no doubt aware, General Calrissian has a history of navigating the impossible.” Leia turned to Lando. “And Commander Dameron has a knack for taking risks -”

“ _Calculated_ risks, if I may, General,” Poe corrected.

“I wasn't finished,” Leia said, repressing a smile. “Taking risks, with enough passion and skill to see his recklessness through.”

“Thank you, General.”

“Though he can't lie to save his life,” she added, sliding a glance in Dameron’s direction.

His head reared back, affronted. “I take issue with that, General.”

Lando cocked his head. “Tell me you can’t fly a thing, Commander.”

It took more self-control than Leia expected to keep herself from smiling as Poe’s eyes narrowed and flicked back and forth between her and Lando. Finally, Poe accepted there was no reprieve to be found, so he squared his shoulders and set his jaw. “I can’t fly a single ship.”

“He’s better than Han ever was,” Lando offered.

“Sure,” Leia agreed. “But Han has no qualms about resorting to a blaster in times of need.”

Poe laughed good-naturedly, and Leia let her smile through as Lando nodded his approval. Poe said, “All right, I can see I’m not winning this.”

“Knows to cut his losses, too. That’s good,” Lando said approvingly.

But simultaneously Leia and Poe said, “I wouldn’t go that far.” Poe’s smile turned self-effacing. “I wouldn’t say that, but I know when to stand down around General Organa.”

“That, too, is a skill, Dameron,” Lando said with a smile in Leia’s direction. “Leia, if you don’t mind…” 

Leia shook her head, “Please, I had hoped you’d continue without me.”

Lando nodded. “Dameron, if you have time, what say we grab a drink? We can talk through a few of your upcoming missions. And I wouldn’t mind hearing how your father is doing.”

“Sure thing, sir. Do you mind if BB-8 joins us?” The droid recognised a cue when he got one, offering an optimistic trill, his dome twisting in Lando’s direction. Lando chuckled. “Come along, BB-8,” he invited graciously. The droid responded with a binary song. “I always did appreciate the BB range.”

“BB-8 is one of a kind,” Poe said fondly. He inclined his head to Leia, appreciation in the turn of his mouth. “Thank you, General.”

“I’ll see you for dinner, Leia,” Lando added.

“See you boys later,” Leia said, watching them go.

*

Lando made it in time for the funeral.

The ceremony was of the Corellian tradition. There was joy alongside the sadness, and honest affection alongside official veneration.

Leia spoke. Ben was mentioned in past tense. Han's casket was empty.

Leia ached.

When she returned to her seat, Chewie stood to her right. He was a wall of welcome and familiar warmth. His fingers trembled against her arm as he sobbed quietly. To her left was Lando. Still and solid. His sorrow was more outwardly contained than Chewbacca's, but Leia felt it as strongly as Chewie's in the eddies of the Force around her.

Beside Lando, proud and sombre in her Resistance browns, stood Sang. She radiated control, her posture pristine. To anyone else it may appear the stance of a perfect soldier but Leia knew better. Sang had adored Han. There was a resonant intractability in her nature which endeared her to him. As far as Leia knew, they had not seen one another in a few years. This was Sang's display of respect for Han, a final joke for his benefit. Beside Sang stood the rest of her sisters, a sober line of honour.

And on Chewie's other side... Rey. Rey could have been a pillar of stone, her face a testament to the sculptor's skill, were it not for the tear tracks down her cheeks, the occasional shattered grimace.

Leia stood tall. She held her shoulders back, her chin raised. She wore her hair in the style which had confounded Han's fingers even as it brought a smile of delight to his lips. On her thigh, she wore his old blaster. Its weight was reassurance and comfort for her. And for Han, because Han would have wanted her to take some precaution in this place: to his eye, far too exposed. And sitting heavy between her breasts, beneath her dress, she wore the necklace Han and Ben had given her so proudly some twenty years previously.

Because Ben should be here, in some way.

_Ben should be here._

The tears, when they came, slipped through her tired and prickling eyes, past a painful lump in her throat. Leia cried, and Chewie's hand came to rest on her lower back, Lando's arm looping tight around hers, his fingers pressing gently into her wrist. And through the Force, a hesitant, shy and brittle offer of comfort. A flowing, gentle and quiet thing, soft and tentative.

Rey.

Leia's tears fell silently. And above them, in Corellian tradition, the flypast began.

 

Later, Leia planted a tree in the Alderaanian tradition. Only a sapling, Leia had chosen a breed which would grow swiftly, with a thick and sturdy stump with branches which would stretch towards the sky. It would house birds and other winged beasts, and stand tall, proud, for years to come. 

After that, Leia and Lando sat quiet on the balcony of his temporary quarters on Corellia. Leia felt wrung out and exhausted. Lando beside her seemed at peace.

A distant horn sounded, and an explosion went off in the sky bright colours spreading across the Corellian capital, and Lando chuckled.

"Han would have hated all this," he said. "All this attention."

It took a moment, but finally Leia smiled. "He'd deserve suffering through it," she said. Then added, "Though he didn't mind the attention that time I gave him a medal after the first Death Star."

Lando smiled, shaking his head slowly and turning to face her. "That was about you, Leia," he said quietly. His expression was soft, grief seeming to gather in the corners of his eyes. The lines there a map of his life’s joy and sorrow, and successes hard won, failures hard fought. It had been some time since Leia had taken a moment to study her own reflection and she wondered if her life played as honestly across her face as Lando’s did. 

As Han’s had. Beloved frown lines across his brow. Joy in the wrinkles around his eyes. A war of grim stress, deep sadness, and hearty laughter at the corners of his mouth. 

Leia almost lost her grip on her glass as grief roiled through her afresh. 

_Han_. 

“It was always about you," Lando said, seeming from a distance, oblivious or perhaps ignoring the play of sadness Leia had felt.

Leia didn't reply. But somewhere past the hollowness she felt, a certainty settled, as though she had always known. She took another slow drink from her glass, then shifted in her seat. “Sometimes I wonder if it was my fault,” she confided quietly. 

She felt frustrated: she was a grown woman and she knew better than to take blame for the actions of others when made of their own accord. And yet in this, she could not seem to shake the shame, the guilt. Just one more thing to go wrong because of a decision she made. A deal she made. The highest stakes gambled for and lost. 

Lando frowned, looking out across Coronet City. Another explosion of light: _Grim_ , Leia thought, as the red of the fireworks picked out the lines of the cityscape, catching on the clouds and the lingering smoke from previous fireworks. Leia looked back at Lando, his eyes clear. 

“You know, Han always did what he wanted,” Lando began slowly, thoughtfully. “He always did what was right by those he loved. Now, when I first met him, ‘those he loved’ was just Chewie, the Falcon, and himself.” Leia couldn’t help the huff of laughter, and Lando smiled wryly. “But Leia… Having you in his life, it made him bolder. He cared more. Before you and Luke, with your ideals and your passion for what was right… He was a different man. A worse man. That old scoundrel did exactly what he thought was right that day with Ben. Right by himself. By Ben. And by you.”

Lando looked back at her then, a shadow crossing his face. “Ben was a troubled boy who grew into a tormented man,” he said, a hardened edge under his voice. “Maybe you and Han could have done more. Or Luke and Chewie, or me, or anyone else who knew Ben. Maybe we could have done more, and maybe it would have made a difference. Then again, maybe nothing would have made a difference. And Ben was just who he was. We’re here now.” Lando closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before opening them again. Leia braced herself. “Ben is dead, Leia. He died that day at the Jedi Training School. Maybe some spectre of him remained, but that’s gone.”

He grimaced, then shrugged as though deciding a battle in himself. The turn of his mouth went sad, his eyes haunted. “Somewhere along the line,” he started quietly. Some warm spring breeze of the Force tickled across her neck. “You made a bad deal.”

Leia felt herself forty years younger, having lost Han the first time, speaking with Lando much like this. She felt herself forty-five years younger, in her father’s study. Something in her heart shook, and shifted, falling into a new place. “I will remember it,” she promised quietly, a small but fervent determination flaring deep in her heart. She remembered the brittle smile on her father’s face. Felt it in her bones, though she was not yet able to wear it herself. Lando offered a bracing smile, his hand moving to rest on her arm. “And I’ll make a better deal next time.”

And with this change, an unexpected presence rose within the Force. Leia recognised this second shy offer of comfort and smiled softly, brokenly, to herself. 

Taking a deep breath, she sent the thought across their connection: _Rey_. 

Rey’s presence vanished in surprise before coming back, nervous. And brave. Leia didn’t hear the word of Rey’s response, it was more that she felt the impression of her tentative, _Yes?_

_Thank you_.

If a Force presence could blush, Rey was doing just that. Leia could feel Rey’s denials and her instinct to withdraw, but Leia reached out and offered Rey reassurance of her own. And as Rey opened a little bit to allow Leia in, as Leia offered some of herself in turn, a plan began to form in the back of Leia’s mind.

Sometime later when Leia came back to herself, Lando was sitting quietly beside her, again looking over the city and lost to his own thoughts. Leia watched the play of them over Lando’s face, allowing the wash of his emotions and the ghost of his reflections to brush her mind across the Force. There was little room left in her, it felt a day as long as a month. But there was so much love in Lando’s presence, as much love in him as there had been hope, potential, in Rey, and Leia allowed herself to linger. She breathed deep, thought of Rey, and R2, and of her brother missing today. Another impression joined those, of a brave boy in a borrowed jacket, lying broken in the infirmary on D’Qar.

She closed her eyes, and let it all wash over her. Leia breathed deeply and meditated, feeling rusty. It was a habit she had long left unpracticed.

One day, she would face Snoke once more. In her gut she knew it, and the Force seemed to move through her like a bracing wind, a call of certainty with every gust. She had lost too much in her life to beings like him. Her parents, her friends, her entire home world to the Empire. Her husband and partner. Her son, caught and warped in the crossfire with Snoke. Precious lives of the New Republic, naive but content in their illusion of peace, snatched by the First Order. Leia had watched Rebels leave on missions and not come back. Now she watched Resistance fighters go out and never return. 

Leia knew and understood too much of the loss of war, of the devastation of megalomaniacal men. And she recognised the magnificence of peace, believed in it with every breath… 

But she _knew_ the intricacies and the complexity of anger. 

Luke had always been better with serenity and with grace. Leia valued those things, they existed in every beat of her heart as something to strive for, cultivate and protect. But in her truth, she treasured her anger only second to her love. With this acceptance, the Force buffeted her, compassionate, bolstering. In her mind, she stood as in her youth on the snow covered mountains of Alderaan, the wind raising fresh powder to mist against her face, invigorating her. She remembered how she felt in that crisp, honest cold… The Force resonated the same feeling again now.

A word came to mind, and it echoed out through the Force to gust back through her: _Enough._

Enough of death. Enough of abuses of power and the slaughter of innocents. Enough suffering.

_Enough._

For the first time in far too long, she surrendered herself to the Force. It was bright, almost to the point of pain. 

But it was alive. And it was hopeful. 

She let it ache and sing through her, let it spread around her, to carry her, and to settle with certainty at the base of her spine. 

Leia breathed deep in the Force, and the Force breathed deep in Leia.

She opened her eyes. And made a decision.

“There is hope,” she said quietly and Lando looked over at her. He crooked a smile and said, “There is always hope, Leia.”

But Leia shook her head. “Rey,” she said, certainty warm and solid within her. “Rey will go. And the boy in the infirmary. Finn. Finn will stay.”

Lando’s smile faded, a frown in its place. “Rey will go where? To the First Order?”

“No… No.” Leia shook her head. As Lando’s frown deepened, Leia reached a hand across the space between them to rest on his arm. “Rey will bring Luke back.”

Lando sucked in a slow breath. His brow quirked and something passed across his eyes too fast for Leia to read. “You’re sure?”

“Rey will bring Luke back,” she repeated. “Finn will remain here, work with us. He’ll… I don’t know how to explain it. But he’ll lay the groundwork. With me. Together, we will set things in motion… Things Snoke and all the wretched beings in his First Order cannot ever stop.” Leia paused, letting the feelings and the thoughts begin a coalescence. She nodded. “And Luke… Luke will bring hope.”

Lando was silent then for so long that Leia wondered if she had lost him. If this was just one too many things on a day of far too many things. But - after a deep breath, Lando nodded. He said slowly, “You always were unconquerable. I’ve admired that about you since the day we met.” He paused, and when next he spoke, Leia could hear the mess and throb of old wounds, and the hope for new beginnings in his voice as easily as she felt them through the Force. “And Luke… Well. Luke always was good at bringing hope.”

“He was,” she agreed. Then rolled her shoulders. Lando cleared his throat, blinking slowly. The silence stretched between them. More fireworks exploded to dance over Coronet City. People thought of Han Solo, and of legends. Leia thought of Han, and she thought of Luke. She thought of family, and of heartbreak. She hoped for the future. And for the first time in a long time, a pressure between her ribs seemed to ease, if only a little. 

“Let’s get Luke back,” she said into the quiet. 

Lando nodded.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments very welcome :)
> 
>  
> 
> Briefly, this fic came about when introducing [fly_to_dawn](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fly_to_dawn) to the Original Trilogy about a year and a half ago. It struck me that since Leia and Lando were at Jabba's at the same time, Lando surely would have had Leia's back as best he could while she was imprisoned. So that was the first scene... and then it seemed only reasonable that Leia and Lando would be together at Han's funeral.
> 
> From there, I wanted to explore their friendship. But I came across these amazing [two](http://reyskywalkings.tumblr.com/post/140824392767/i-dont-want-a-calrissian-daughter-no-that-will) [posts](http://sarah531.tumblr.com/post/141307301346/the-five-daughters-of-lando-calrissian-based-on) about Lando having daughters. And then it became about Leia and Lando and family and politics. And then suddenly Luke and Lando were in love, and... it kind of spiralled from there.
> 
>    
> For those interested, the Star Wars media I used as reference include all movies, several episodes of _Star Wars: The Clone Wars_ , a few episodes of _Star Wars Rebels_ , a smattering of books, the graphic novel _Shattered Empire_ , and that bastion of canonical accuracy and incisive character insight, _Lego Star Wars_. I avoided _Bloodline_ like the plague for fear it jossed everything, and am now super excited to dive in.
> 
> xx


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